Samvedna

Dreams

2011-04-25T22:32:00.000-07:00

Every parent of grown up sons have dream in their eyes of marrying them and getting a bahu who will be the lakshmi of their house and light the house and their hearts with her ways.They will love her and pamper to the hilt, make her every wish fulfilled. And she will love them like her own parents, look after their little little needs and their life would be a bliss.
But alas! does it happen.. no..whatever the elder couple do goes unnoticed, or may be appreciated too but only verbally..the girls today in their equality funda remain the daughters of their parents only.This family mean to them only for their own convenience, but they cant love and respect them, they never want to exert for them at all, and for everything.the importance and place meant for inlaws is shifted to their parents leaving the others feel humiliated and hurt....
And then they have the children and the same life cycle is repeated..when will something change?

Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month

2011-04-15T20:56:00.000-07:00

No single month is enough to save our children. I read on most of the blogs about recognising the signs of child abuse. But i would like to say that we must be extra careful that it never happens.

I had this friend whose maternal uncle only tried to molest her at a very young age. She was so young, vulnerable and so shocked. She didnt have a frank relationship with her parents to tell them. And whereas parents could feel themselves with her attitude towards her uncle, but they didnt, they rather scolded HER only for her behaviour.

So I would request all parents to have faith in their children.
Make them feel safe and free to talk to you
Never leave your children with relatives...however close they may be.
Dont even leave them with male servants also.

No parents should say that they have to go out or do something, they have brought the children in this world and its their first duty to protect them, even if it is at the cost of their parties, outings or job.

2011-04-11T21:45:00.000-07:00

Though I am a very positive person, but sometimes feel so frustrated...why people worship parents so much and say children cant do anything equal to them..Parents look after a child for max. of 20 years and in that period also they make rules for them and children are supposed to follow that. whereas today with increasing longevity, children have to look after the parents for 30 years minimum and that too when they are themselves old, and parents leave nothing unturned to make their children's life tough....with their demands and needs.

Big Boss Season..4

2010-10-11T23:21:00.000-07:00

This time when it started there was a rumour of Zeenat Aman and Rajesh khanna of being their in participants, but it wasnt so..this time they have dissappointed with their choice of people..may be they have made a format sort where
1.one person with different sexuality..its Begum this time...I dont like him at all.

2.they should have taken some old heroine like Poonam dhillon, but this time it is only Sheta Tiwari..she is ok
3.One actor from UP belt..he is manoj Tiwari..looks like a gentleman.
4.One rustic lady..Seema Parihaar..I dont know who wants to see and know about her, atleast not me.
5.One simple professional who will go out in the fist week only..Abbas kadri..he was their to bring a sensation, as he was the lawyer for Kasab.
6.One model..she is Anchal kumar, and she is exactly behaving like the last time Aditi Govitrikar did.
7One person with controversies...Veena Malik...she is a classic example of woman degrading women..when she wants to say something negative to a man(Rishant here) she says...he is totally a woman, no man at all)
8.Few trouble makers....Ashmit, Rishant, Sakshi..will someone tell me who she is.
9.And a sophisticated man..Sameer Soni..he is my favourite.has been from the time he came on Mouthful of Sky..pity him for being with such an ensemble.
10. And Sara....she just doesnt fit here at all.
I forgot..Rahul Bhatt..the quiet guy.
Quite a forgettable cast, the only brightness is being brought by the anchoring of Salman Khan..he is a real delight to watch..he has brought with him his personal charisma to anchoring.

CONTINUED

2010-10-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

This is in continuation of my last post..I forgot something to add that we must socially boycott the dishonest people.In our life if we come to know that a particul person is corrupt we shouldnt make friendship with him. I do that. Once in my kitty party, there was a woman whose husband was a police inspector, and she used to brag about her affluence and I started wondering that how could she be so as police inspectors dont get that type of salary, then I thought may be she belongs to a wealthy family, but then I came to know that her husband is totally corrupt..I stopped talking to her and then even left that group....Its possible to be ethical in your relationships this way.
As Bikram has pointed out the hurdles that come in the ways of honesty.atleast we can start with not taking, then not socialising and then may be not giving easily. Bikram You live abroad, so its very difficult for you to persue anything here, but living in India, may be half the time we may be compelled to give, but rest of the time we may stand up..something is better than nothing..somewhere we have to start.

WHAT WE CAN DO........

2010-10-01T21:19:00.000-07:00

Whenever there is any big controversy about corruption, everybody thinks that what an ordinary man can do..he can do a lot, there are so many things like..

First and foremost we must vow never to give bribe...so many people never bother when they give money for children's admission, thinking that it is for their children's future, but NO, somewhere you must take a stand. Same whenever the traffic policeman stops us for some trivial thing we just want to give him100 bucks to get away.NO we must take the challan instead and face it. These are two points, but we have hundreds of examples where we dont mind giving for our convenience and then when others take it we cry hoarse.

And vow not to take it..say no the gifts which are not accounted for...at many places people accept expensive items as gifts sometimes on ocasion as Diwali or otherwise..this tradition must be stopped, as after accepting something from someone we get a soft spot for him/her and may favour them...so favours must stop anywhere.

Stop asking for passes for anything or any place if you have some friend or relative in an influential post...Take the legitimate route of buying the tickets.

If we adopt the route of taking everything which we deserve honestly and abhor anything offered to us free, we can certainly bring a change.

Companies when vying for orders should go thru merit only, not by lobbying.

If some individuals follow this route, then may be they will loose some promotions, some opportunities to rise and some money too but then thats the price we must be ready to pay.Nothing is gained free.

CWG AND FLOOD

2010-09-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

Has anyone noticed that at the time of CWG fiasco when we are facing international shame, not a single political leader, or any celebrity of corporate world,nobody has given any statement regarding the conditions or corruption? Opposition leaders who are ready to blast the govt at filmsy reasons are quiet today..why?
Its only media who is doing its bit....present govt was sleeping..if you ask someone to built a Tajmahal in one day will he be able to do it? so what is the point in waking up so late.

we lack neither the finance not the capabilities, they why this fiasco..only because we are the country of.CHALTA HA ATTITUDE..we lack the will and we let them take away the tax payers money..People doing a smaller scam are going to jail, so I wish the people responsible for bringing this shame on us will be given justified punishment.

And then recently floods brought an unprecedented destruction in UP, then also I never read any statement from any leader including Mayawati, she can spend crores on statues but no help for the people affected in her state. But there public themselves came forward and organised everything and I wish now the time has come that we must unite and do everything ourselves instead of asking govt. They are not needed..then may be then can come to senses.

Tag from insignia

2010-09-21T22:06:00.000-07:00

I have many tags pending and I keep doing one by one. This is the one given to me by Insignia and it is special as it brings to me an award too..Thanks Insignia!!!

Now what this tag is all about? I have to write 3 GOOD THINGS about me.

For the first ....

I am a very compassionate person, can never be cruel to anyone,and try to help others as much as I can.

Now the second one.

I am very good with the management of time and resources, my hubby used to say that had you studied industria engineering, you could have done wonders:) and to me a promise is important, once I say something, I never go back on my words.

Now the third.

I am a frugal person, I enjoy life and its good things but I never run after money or other things it brings..to me love and respect are more important than other things and gifts

Done.does it sound like bragging:)..but tag asks me to list good things only:)

Now I am going to tag few friends....

PNA
lakshmi
Chitra
A
Tara
Kanupriya
deeps

COMPASSION

2010-09-13T22:09:00.001-07:00

Maternity ward of a medical college.....

Two women are there and one is from a poor family. She has just reached there and is in labour pains, the nurse says to her in an irritated voice...why are you lying here..get up and go to the labour room. In the meantimne resident doctor comes and scolds the nurse and tells her that its her duty to first take her to the toilet and then carry her to the labour room....BTW same nurse treated the other patient with utmost care and courtesy.

Second incident....a poor girls daughter goes to a hospital for deliver..her child dies and she is gets some complications, so doctor advices everybody not to tell her about the death of her child. As soon as she is awake she asks the attendent that atleast once she should be shown the face of her child and you know what she replies.....क्या बच्चा बच्चा चिल्ला रही हो,वोह तो कब का मर भी गया..Why are you shouting for your child, he has already died..and she says all this not in a suympathetic tone, but a deriding one..result, the mother died of shock.
These two are real incidents,people say that rich people have no compassion for poor, but in practical life I see that poor have no consideration for their own brethren even....They themselves give more importance to affluent.In both the cases doctors were more compassionate but the lower cadre was not.In many service sectors, service giver are not from a higher strata and if they want then can always give an adequate service to havenots, but they nevr do it, they also care for the people who are rich and can give them some money.

Mars versus Venus

2010-09-05T23:42:00.000-07:00

From my early years I saw that girl were not given equal opportunities in any field, so I became a staunch feminist and wanted to support all the women in all the spheres of life even in small things like if I found two vegetable sellers and one of them woman then I will buy from her only.But when I grew up i realised that girls are twisting this whole perspective for their egos and personal benefits and they are loosing the whole meaning of families, traditions or even modernity.See some of their opinions---and decide for yourself----
1----While marrying, boy should earn more than them, but shouldnt dominate them, give them equal rights, and even share their household work even if they are housewives. -poor chap!
2--Better if the prospective groom is from a respected family( respective means rich),and family performs all the rituals properly(thought they themselves cant maintain anything- as it needs time and discipline--busy girls) and then vanish in the air and come back only when again they are required-may be for deliveries or helping with the kids--not even then if girls parents are free to help them--poor parents.
3--Boys should come to marry them and take them home, provide them a home, as that is the tradition--very traditional girls when it suits them , but if a boy goes and lives with inlaws--chch-----------he doesnt have any self respect.
4--If the boys parents give them anything money, property , jwellery anything, its normal nothing big about them as they are family, but if the girl's parent give them anything--no she cant take anything now from them, it will be dowry, they have already done so much for her(but if it concerns the other side, then what is special about them doing, all parents do it for their children,as if boys are brought up without any efforts --), her parents may not have any duties BUT they have equal rights---what a grand idea of equality!
5--If a girl want to persue higher studies after marriage with the financial support from the boy-no problem, she can go ahead, but think about vice versa,and out goes the proposal--because its the exploitation of the girl that she should earn and he study-----equality here goes down the drain:)
The list of their equality syndrome is unlimited and exasperating. Girls today are the most confused lot, hope they find their bearings,, otherwise in the next decade we will be facing a plethora of family problems.But all this observations have made me realise a few things;
1-For woman equality doesnt mean doing what the man do, because then who will do the work assigned to waman,but it means to have equal opportuniies for education,have equal rights where running a house, investments or upbringing of the chidren is concerned.
2-Education for woman doesnt mean to have a degree for the sake of earning, it means widenining your horizons,awakening of your mind and learning different skills. Because for me a housewife work involves the skill of a good financial advisor,time management,educationist,sometimes even a little bit of psychiatry and above all a good cook and cleaner.
This all round erosion of character is basically due to inefficient mothers, because its only mother who puts the strong foundation of childhood with strong morals and ethics and if they have no time for that a whole generation is there who has no qualms about anything good or bad.

JANMAASHTAMI

2010-08-31T23:01:00.000-07:00

Today is Janmashtami..I was missing my childhood. That time we used to hunt for flowers, as our flower decoration should be better than our neighbours:)..Whole day we will search,and then make garlands and other things and decorate our pooja corner to the best of our abilities and then in the evening we will recite Sundarkaand from Ramayana.We will keep the fast and could eat only after 12 at night when aarti was done. MY mother used to make so many goodies.like sweets and pakoras, panchamrit and fruit chaat etc etc.And my granny will help us in decorations by providing her best sarees, which my mother would never part with:)
Since I got married, I took over the responsibilities in my new home and started following all their traditions as effortlessly as fish takes to water,as the same way my bhabhi does in my ma's place.Not for a second I got a thought or confusion in my mind about traditions or anything else.And that way we were at peace.Today when I see the girls creating a conflict in the house regarding everything I feel sad. I brought lot of respect to my parents by my behaviour to my inlaws, today they think they can bring by following their parents traditions or by putting their parents over their inlaws.But sadly it doesnt happen that way.
Sometimes I feel sad when I have to do everything on the festivals myself, I miss my children and wonder will there be a day in my life when I will just relax and my DIL will look after everything, the way i have done.Today, at the time of responsibilities and work, children dont want to grow up, but when it comes to choices and independence, they suddenly become adults.
Anyway thats the price of progress and modernity.
Happy Janmashtami !!!

JAI HIND

2010-08-23T21:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday my brother was out for a evening stroll and a young boy was selling balloons . The boy asked him to buy some,but my brother denied saying we dont have any child in our home. Then the boy said..Babuji le lo, hamaari abhi tak bauni bhi nahi hui..means..sir, buy something, I havent sold a single one today. Then my brother said.take this money but keep the balloons and what do you know ..That boy declined the money saying he didnt want anything free....in the end he bought a few.

But that boy showed what honesty is..here are our politicians and business men who despite having millions would never hesitate to swindle in any money out of poor or meant for poor and here was a poor boy who wouldn't take free money from a rich man even.This is real honesty..if one wants to see ethics and values then they lie in rural India only...Being honest with full stomachs and Mercedes ( though still it comes rarely even then) is different than being honest when without food and shelter. Kudos to that boy and his parents..This is our India I am so proud of.
Jai Hind!!!

LOVE

2010-08-17T21:29:00.000-07:00

What is love? people seem to claim love to every third person, parents always say that they love their children most and so on.....But love ha kya?

Is it pampering your children to the hilt and giving them everything they desire?

Is it the money given by children to their parents and then live freely?

Is it to see that your friend being cheated and keep quiet for the fear of spoiling the relationship?

Is it to see that your children are doing wrong but to keep quiet for the fear they will leave you or you will be in their bad books?

Each to his own but to me...

A loving parent should never give the children what they desire but what they need, as too much pampering makes them lazy, and unfit to deal with the realities of life.Parents are doing harm to them by making them soft targets for the harsh realities of live.Children should be brought up with values and taught the importance of hard work,they must learn to deal with NO also as life is not always so rosy.

Parents need the good behaviour of their adult children more than their gifts and money..they should be given due respect and made to feel a part of their life, but since all this needs effort, most of the children want to get away with money.

To me if we love someone, we must look after the welfare of the person and if at any point of life he/she is going to get harm, we must help...and truth is supreme to me, to me love can never mean to justify the wrongs of our loved ones....Being truthful and right is also important.yes if one is broadminded, one can forgive, but i feel frustrated when i see some people being totally biased........finding only good with the people they love and all faults with the people they dont love....I never go that blind..and i feel i am doing a disservice to my loved ones by doing that.even if my enemy has some good points, I will praise him/her, and if my loved ones have some bad habits, I will try to tell them..though with love and quietly.
I absolutely believe in Khalil Zibran when he says.....
Love is not only giving..its judicial giving and judicial withholding.

tag from g

2010-08-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

I have many tags always due, as I do them in my own time, so that I enjoy doing everything. This is the tag from g

Here are the rules of the tag.

1) You have to tag 7 people.

2) You have to link their pages in your tag post

3) You have to leave a comment in their comments section telling them they've been tagged.

4) You have to say who tagged you.

So here goes my random list of random things about myself.

I like ethnic things be it dress , jewellery or decorating my home.Whenever i go to any handicrafts exhibition, I cant stop myself from buying something.and to me price of anything never the criteria.

     2. I have a phobia about leaving my home unlocked, so I am always checking again and again,and even
then I want my hubby to recheck.

      3.Even if keep changing cities often, still i know about that city more than the people who are staying
there for longer period, because of two reasons, i am a very observant person, then i remember
          everything and i am very fond of going out.

       4..I have a very good sense of direction, even when I was young, my mother will trust me to show the
           way to a new place.

        5..But i forget the faces very fast, and unless I have met a person 2-3 times I cant associate the face with
            a name and because of this , i have faced many embarrassing situations.

6.Whenever I go to window shopping, I prefer to be alone, so that I can see everything as I like.
Even otherwise i like my solitude and treasure my privacy.

        7.Once I saw any design of sweater and i could copy it and the same for dresses, I will see the models salwar kameej and would stitch the same at home.

Now I would like to tag...Holy Lama,SG, A new Beginning, sunder ,Insignia, NRIgirl and deep

Response

2010-08-10T22:53:00.000-07:00

This I want to say in response to the comments for my last post....

Each to his own..thats so true, what i wanted to say is that we expose young children to sex at a very young stage, which is not healthy..imagin the same scenario in India..if parents are out with a young child their main focus will be the child not their own desires,and this brings security to them,I believe that everything has its own place and time. Parents who love each other, respect each other always bring a confidence in their children, but for that its not necessary to kiss in front of their children..its their day to day behaviour which confirms everything.

and changing partners in search of love...love is so elusive and difficult to define...Nobody is ever perfect and marriages are not perfect, but made so by the partners and for that one needs to be considerate and look beyond self.....One has to see the broader sense of marriage ...

The holy lama has said so well..dont start a family..yes dont do that till you are in sync with your partner, but once you have children, think of them too, I dont say that bring them up in a fighting atmosphere..NO..try not to fight..Breakup affects and damages the psyche of children, whether parents accept it or not.Marriage is not just two people living together for convenience,its a holy matrimony with lots of responsibilities with no place for self ego.

And SG... its not stereotyping..as you say you have seen many couple celebrating 30 yrs anniv..I agree, but in a good society it should be the norm, not that we can count on fingertips, still in India divorce is an aberration, I dont think its going to do us any better if we make it a norm.
Us has many good things about it..
their honest in dealing,
their punctuality
their hard work
their civic sense,
and we should follow them there,
but as far as the family values count I dont think we should copy them, families are made only when everybody thinks about others not self. You are right that children should know about sex from their parents, but at the right time,too much of information before even they are physically and mentally prepared to absorb, will only harm them, their focus will go on unwarranted areas.

But one thing is crystal clear that parent should be happy not fighting..and that tell us that first the couple must decide whether they want to stay with each other or not,only then start a family.

Parenting today

2010-08-09T22:08:00.000-07:00

In today's environment I see most of the people advocating everything from the west even in behaviour. I dont agree with that. Communication with the children is one such issue.Even in India it depends person to person and parents to parents. My parents always talked a lot with me and that is the reason I have very strong values. Yes they didnt talk about sex, but that is our culture.Last year I was in Salzburg sitting in a roadside cafe. There was this couple with a young 3-4 years child sitting in front of my table. the child was playing with his smoothie as his parents were busy kissing. Frankly i dont enjoy that scenario. Because of all that freedom, there children are exposed to adult life at a very young stage, and start early in life and the have multiple complications.There i see so many disturbed people,high strung youth and broken marriages.....I dont like the scene of a family with multiple ex wives and husbands and children, it is more like a zoo..doesnt anyone realise what impact it has on the minds of children? what sort of influence they are getting..children have a very tender mind, they need loving presense of their parents, not a dysfunctional family.
Once we bring up our children with sound values and certain discipline, they never wave from the right path.When my son was very young and while playing outside, if any of his friend got hurt, he will bring him to me saying..my mom will take care of it, whereas that child will be scared of going home as his mother will scold him, same for anything else, he had so much of confidence in me that i will do everything to make him happy but never at the cost of principles.....Same with my daughter, wherever she will go, she will tell me evrything, her friends mothers will call me to ask everything, as their daughters will never tell the complete details, and if her friends had any teenage problems, she will tell them to come to me as i would help without scolding...I am not saying that what did was best , but what i am trying to tell you is that befriend your children, but dont be a friend, be a friendly parent..they will love you more. But giving them complete freedom is not loving..its abdicating your responsibilities.Freedom before time is a recipe for complete disaster...but be reasonable.Listen to them,explain and comfort them.
One thing I did which I always regret that I gave too much of importance to academics and grades.Every child is special with some unique qualities which we can encourage, instead of just following academics blindly. In my time we didnt have many fields and may be I had financial insecurities for them, but nothing justifies my insistence on getting good grades and getting stern even if a single mark was less than expected, and I couldnt be a totally supporting mother there.

Back to blogging

2010-08-06T00:06:00.000-07:00

I am back home and busy with putting my home in order I have neglected my blogging so much that sometimes I wonder if I am loosing interest.Whenever i am sitting , my mind is full of the things I want to share, but when I come to comp. it goes blank:)

I read so many books.Marrying Anita,Socialite evenings, Icarus agenda and saw so many movies,Kites, I hate luv stories,Blind side,Seige,Woh,Summer 2007 and I have forgotten some names..I would like to share with you..Summer of 2007..this is about the suicides of farmers in Vidarbha..very good movie and a very good solution..how can we help.thru.micro credit only..I came to know about an organisation..RangDe who organise micro credit to poor people...They have a good website also. before last year i put in a very small amount and 50 % of that has already been repaid which I reinvested...Its a good way of repaying society.I just want to spread a good word, I dont personally know them or have any stake anywhere.

Potpourrie

2010-07-22T11:55:00.000-07:00

Here I see the serial..everybody loves Raymond very regularly and in that whenever Ramon's mother sees any of his sons, first sentence is..are you hungry? come eat something..and it amuses me no end, because mothers are same everywhere. Sometimes I wonder whether my children also feel annoyed with my over emphasis on feeding them all the time:)

Last week I read..The choice .by Nicholas Spark and Have little faith from my favourite writer..Mitch Albom..I think for the later one I must write a review separately if possible, because it has so many memorable lines and things we must remember..lovely book. Read a little of Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell..its also a very good one where the writer emphasizes that success is not in genes but it is a culmination of various factors like being at the right place at the right time, and being passionate and most important hard work.

this weekend we went to Bainsbridge..its an island and the town is constructed like a Norwegian place..it looks so European. Then there is..Bloedel reserve.an 8-10acre property, full of trails, and unique flora...at some places it is so beautiful, I admire the govt here who develops everything into a money spinning joint.Everything has all the facilities, well connected and maintained very well.

DOLLAR BAHU

2010-07-12T12:44:00.000-07:00

Now a days I am reading so much and watching so many movies that sometimes everything is jumbled up in my mind, but still I would like to share a little.

Dollar Bahu. is written by Sudha murthy, as the more I read her, i feel, she is less of a writer more a social reformer.In one novel she packs so much of advices thru many of her characters That sometimes it becomes so preachy also .. Story is about an Old woman with two sons, since the woman is not rich, she aspires to get everything thru her two sons, and elder one fulfills that by going to US. Younger one is a clerk and gets married to a very nice girl who never gets any praise from her MIl.The elder one gets married to a girl from rich family and she becomes the favourite bahu, though she does nothing. But when goes to US to help them with the deliver her eyes open, and there thru different characters writer wants to say...
Dollar is not everything,
Parents shouldnt marry their daughters to NRIs without first making proper enquiries.
Even in India girls should have the authority to choose their partners and parents must accept that.
Parents shouldnt think that money is more important than qualifications.
All in all an entertaining book.thats all.Once a hindi serial was also adapted from this on TV.

Lucky one...This is written by Nicholas Spark. When I started blogging, one reader had asked me have I read any of his books and till that time I never had. from that time I was thinking of it and now when I got one..I lapped it up.
Here the story is about a marine who has faced the war for 5 years and faced the death at close quarters and every time was saved and his friends think that he was saved by his lucky charm..photo of a girl he found in sands in Iraq...Initially he doesnt believe, but later on he goes out in search of this girl, finds her, falls in love etc etc....Its a romance written well..sometime i feel that it is a refined version iof Mills and Boons...I like it, though todays MBs I cant read:)

Then I saw many movies..Chintuji,Phone booth,Mickey blue eyes and Shutter Island.I watch one serial.According to Jim everyday and like it very much:)

ROAD LESS TRAVELLED ...M.SCOTT PECK

2010-07-02T20:56:00.000-07:00

This one book I wanted to read for a long time and never knew that my daughter has it:)..so when I came here I started reading it. It is about the psychology of love,traditional values and spiritual growth.The writer is a psychiatrist , so he explores the ideas from every angle.

Few things I have always believed in and when I saw them written here, I loved, they are.....

Love is not simply giving, its judicial giving and judicial withholding.

True love leads to spiritual growth.and anything that doesnt make for growth is not true love.

Branding of quality time is not worth it, children need quantity time also.

Most of the problems of personality have their roots in childhood and relate to parents.

Wherever we are in our life its always because of us not anybody else.

Many problems in life can be solved if delaying gratification is practiced,quoting the book.........delaying gratification is a process of scheduling the pain and pleasure of life in such a way as to enhance the pleasure by meeting and experiencing the pain first and getting it over with.

over all this is an awesome book and worth a two or three read:)

Hello

2010-06-28T15:16:00.001-07:00

Hello friends!..this has been the longest break I have taken from my blog. I am very sorry that i havent even replied to the comment and not visited any blogs even. But the last month has been a real busy time for me..first due to some urgent work i had to go to Hyderabad and then I came here... US to visit my daughter..here also we had a family get together with my son also coming here......
This is a very pleasant time here with weather being neither very cold nor hot..yes here even a little heat bothers me more because the houses are not meant for heat.Here I get to live in a house exactly like that of my dream....that is with lots of greenery all around:)
Yesterday I went to see Ben Franklin(shop for craft material and all) and I was wondering why we dont have something like this..whereas we have enough of beads and other materials, but we dont have any guides or accessories needed to make jewellery. Same thought comes to my mind whenever I have breakfast.I love the cereals.specially Cheereos and wish someone in India would start making them as we have enough raw material over there and so much of labour also,so why not produce something healthy.
I have seen lot of movies here..Rajneeti,Jail, Sikandar,Daredevil and Sherlock Homes, out of all of them I would recommend everyone to watch..SIKANDAR..a totally different and very logical movie and it has my favourite Madhavan in it:)
I am reading...Road less travelled..marvellous book, will give you a complete review once I finish it...I am enjoying here eating Chelupas,Burritos, taco bowl and crimpets, once we ordered gulab jamun from a restaurant Taj here...and couldnt finish it...here they make India Pizza much better..but there is this restaurant Mayuri where their preparations are mostly good.

BEING ECOFRIENDLY

2010-05-29T22:29:00.000-07:00

Now when all the big companies are opening the green grocery stores and big stores for everything on the pattern of US, one more thing they need to follow is that there they take back the plastic for recycling, but here the usage of plastic has increased multi fold instead of decreasing. What happens that in these stores all the small small things are first taken in separate small bags and then they are put in big bags, so double the quantity is used.Some stores use huge plastic bags even for small things.

even in newspapers everyday I find many pamphlets, some are same everyday and sometimes even that is doubles due to the vendors carelessness, so much of the wastage of paper; commodity. One should innovate other ways of advertising or these pamphlets should be restricted to once a week, may be on Sunday only. from one broadband supplier, I am getting the flier every alternate day for last 3 months, and I just put it in the trash as I dont need it.There should be a way of minimising wastage and optimising the advertisement.

If we want to save our children from the acute shortage of water and everything, we must do something, like instead of buying disposable items we should go for reusable ones, and buy only what we need,.no need to hoard anything.

I feel totally frustrated when I see my maid running the tap unnecessarily, even though I tell her everyday to save water, and see the irony that these people face the shortages most of time,..but still they dont understand. May be some one should run the classes for them.She thinks I am being a miser even with something like water.

Natural resources are limited, so we must use them with care. Even whenever we go outside, I prefer to take the shortest route and try to make a round trip sort where we can combine the work of two trips.There was a time when my children used to get irritated, but now this habit is ingrained in them also.

I dont like it when people use reams of tissue paper either to clean things or wipe hands..use it minimum, in house we can use the clothes or sponges to clean.

Reuse, and recycle is the mantra to me....I try it to my best and I would appeal to everybody to think about it.

Face of a woman:3

2010-05-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

Suneeta was born in a middle class ordinary family. and she had no ambitions of doing anything special and grew up studying just to get a degree which would make her eligible in a marriage market....Her father sought her alliance in a rich bussiness class family much above them in financial status, and luckily they were not into dowry also.and so she got married happily.

But when she went to her inlaws she saw their opulance and abundance of everything and she wanted to share everything with her siblings and parents, and that didnt go down well with her inlaws.,She never could connect with the family and remained her parent's daughter only..and the conflict started.....as is common, her tiffs with MIL kept increasing and the family lost its harmony...and whole family..she , her husband and inlaw lived in stress, getting bitter day by day..because the feud starts with something and ends with another. Most of the time if we think positive of someone, we like all their attributes, but if we think negative, then we start criticising everything.Her MIl was also not a docile person, and in all this the real victim was her husband.Before marriage only she was asked if she is comfortable with the joint family concept, as theirs is a joint family and she has to conform, that time she was too agreeable for everything, as her family thought she is getting a very good match, but later on she doesnt want to live with her inlaws.
l
This girl had everything going for her..she got a caring husband, wealth etc, but still there was no happiness, what went wrong and where?

As far as I can understand.....

When one gets married all misconceptions should be cleared then only, when one is marrying into a business family, one has to conform to so many things, and if one wants a nuclear family, one shouldnt marry there.

If one is going to live with inlaws family and in their house, its never appropriate to do anything on the sly for your family..go according to customs and traditions of the family..yes if your parent need anything, then the case is totally different, but otherwise, there is no point in defying inlaws or making them unhappy...

Marriages are not made on equality but understanding and as long as we have the traditions of the boys coming and taking girls to their home we can never demand literal equality...for that girls and boys need to marry and go to a separate home of their own.

Priorities of life should be very clear...the first responsibility of the girl is to make her marriage work and then comes everything else, nothing should marr the marital bliss.

Inlaws should also try to be sensitive to the girl's need and respect her feelings and her individuality.

Recently I heard a young man telling his wife......whenever you have arguements with my mother, dont expect me to favour you..right or wrong..but I cant ....otherwise in everything in life I will try to please you, I will fulfil all your desires, but nevr evr argue with my mother and respect her.

I think its a very sane advice to make a good family. so many times by keeping quiet we can make peace..respecting your elders goes a long way in cementing the relationships.

what do you think?

Tag by Tara

2010-05-20T02:51:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by Tara..this tag keeps coming to me again and again, but I believe in always respecting it..its a sign of love from my friends,thats why i do it..may be I am boring you all, but so what......

1) What is your current obsession?
writing,

2) What are you wearing today?
I always wear salwar kameez only.

3) What’s for dinner?
2 vegetable, curd and paratha.

4) What’s the last thing you bought?
my bangles on akshay tritiya

5) What are you listening to right now?
Pyar bharey geet..an MP3

6) What do you think about the person who tagged you?
A young, shy, no nonsense girl.

7) If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the
world, where would you like it to be?
At any hill station in UP

8) What are your must-have pieces for summer?
cotton dress.

9) If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
anywhere away from this heat of Chennai

10) Which language do you want to learn?
learning Tamil

11) What’s your favourite quote?
you do not choose your destiny, destiny chooses you.

) Who do you want to meet right now?
my children,

13) What is your favorite timepass?
Reading & watching movies,

14) Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
wear what you are comfortable in and according to the ocasion, weather and your body.

15) What is your dream job?
Anything to do with meeting people.

16) What’s your favorite magazine?
RD,and New woman.

17) If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Will give it to Rang de,

19) Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
all of them.

20) What kind of haircut do you prefer?
long hairs,

21) What are you going to do after this?
net surfing

22) What are your favourite movies?
nadiya ke paar, silsila

23) What inspires you?
good people.

24) What do your friends call you most commonly?
call me by my name only.

25) Would you prefer coffee or tea?
tea all the time

26) What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Talk to someone I trust.

27) What makes you go wild?
When someone doubts my honest and sincere intentions or my children talking back.

28) Which other blogs do you love visiting?
All in my blog list and many more.

29) Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
bengali rasogulla and triple sundae.

30) How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
2
31) Favorite Season?
winter.

32) If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Its very hot to go into the kitchen, so either will order, or whatevr my maid can rustle up:)

33) What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
First ask them why they did it and then ignore.

34) What are you afraid of the most?
I am scared of being dependent on anybody else finanvcially or physically.

35) When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
when will summer go:(

36) What brings a smile on your face instantly?
Another smile obviously !!

37) A word that you say a lot?
hey bhagwan"

38) A prayer always made ?
I shouldnt hurt somebody by deed or by words

39) What is that one thing that keeps you going.
my faith in the goodness of life.

40) what is more impotant to you...being right or adjustment?
Adjusting while being right.

Rules for those who are tagged:
Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.
I would like to tag....

MUM'S LOVE

2010-05-15T22:10:00.000-07:00

MUM'S LOVE

when you were 1 she fed you and bathed you and you thanked her by crying whole night.

When you were 2 she taught you walking and you thanked her by walking away when she called.

When you were 3 years old she made all your meals with love and you thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor

When you were 4 years old , she gave you some crayons and you thanked her by painting the dining table.

When you were 5 old , she dressed you for the holidays and you plopped in the nearest.

When you were 6 old , she walked you to the school and you screamed saying..I am not going.

When you were 7 years old , she bought you a baseball and you thanked her by throwing it through next door neighbour's window.

When you were 8 years old , she handed you an in icecream and you thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.

When you were 9 years old , she paid for you piano lessons and you thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old , she drove you all day from gymnastic to soccer to one bday party to another and you thanked her by jumping out and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old , she took you and your friends to a movie and you thanked by asking her to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old , she warned you not to watch certain shows on TV, you thanked her by waiting till she left house.

When you were 13 years old , she suggested you a hair cut, you thanked her by telling, she had no taste.

When you were 14 years old , she paid for you a whole moth of summer camp and you thanked her by not writing a single letter.

When you were 15 years old , she came from work looking for a hug, you thanked her by having you bedroom door locked.

When you were 16 years old , she taught you to drive her car, you thanked her by taking it out at every chance you could.

When you were 17 old , she was waiting for an important call you thanked her by keeping the phone engaged night.

When you were 18 old , she cried at your high school graduation, you thanked by staying out partying till dawn.
'
When you were 19 old , she paid for your college tuition, drove you to you campus , carried your bags and you thanked her by saying good bye outside the dorm, so that you wouldnt be embarrassed in front of your friends,

When you were 20 years old , she asked whether you were seeing anyone, you thanked her by saying.....it is none of your business.

When you were 21 old , she suggested certain careers for you, you thanked her by saying...I dont want to be like you.

When you were 22 years old , she hugged you at your college graduation, you thanked her by asking could she pay for your Europe holiday.

When you were 23 old , she gave you furniture for your flat, you thanked her by telling your friends..it is ugly.

When you were 24 years old , she met your fiancee and asked about future planes, you thanked her by glaring and growling...Muuhh..ther..pleease.

When you were 25 years old , she paid for your wedding, cried, hugged you and told you how deeply she loved you, you thanked her by moving halfway across the country.

When you were 30 years old , she called on some advice about baby, you thanked her by saying..things are different now.

When you were 40 years old , she called to remind you to wish a relative's bday, you thanked her by saying..you are really busy right now.

When you were 50 old , she fell sick and needed you to take care of her, you thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to children.

And then one day she quietly died and then all the things you didnt do came crashing down like thunder on. your HEART.

IF SHE IS STILL AROUND NEVER FORGET TO LOVE HER
MORE THAN EVER
AND IF SHE IS NOT, REMEMBER HER UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE AND PASS IT ON.....

Source.email

I got this in email and wanted to share it on so called mother's day, though i dont believe in the specific days even for parents, parents need to be pampered all the time.

My Vacations

2010-05-04T02:47:00.001-07:00

Been Away from the virtual world for a while, actually I went to my home town, to see my mother, to be with my siblings, to get pampered:) and replenish my heart with all the love and affection.

My husband being in a job here, there are many day today realities which I dont know even, when i o there then only I become the person....having their feet on earth(jameen se jude log)..I come to know how much problems people face getting any job done,corruption has increase so much, adulteration has taken new heights, but then I see that today mobile has penetrated to everybody,good clothes are available to lower strata also and so on. One more thing that gladdened my heart is that when I interacted with my extended family I came to know that still there are many girls who follow traditions, respect their inlaws and value their family.There Bad DILs are exception, though all of them I am talking about are educated modern girls , who know their minds.Basically i came to conclude that still the girls from good families have the same sanskar or culture, its only newly educated family or noveau riche type who are getting arrogant.
I talked with many women, one said....we never stay outside later than 10 PM come what may, because our Papaji(FIL ) doesnt like it, most of them get up early,send their children school, finish BF and then drive around,either to do some work, or to enjoy.For them its not male domination, but respect for family and elders. The distinction between cultured and otherwise is only that cultured people make all adjustments at their own will, other ones with force. Like I have seen many girls who will get up early because their job demands, but if MIL demands morning tea,..sorry they cant...MIl is being too demanding, how can they get up early?..This is the difference in attitudes.Why do we go out of the way for outsiders, but take our own family for granted.....yes they are our own, but they also need some consideration, deserve even more.We are bring compassion for everybody except our own family.

One thing which really frustrates me in UP is the pilferage of electricity..lower class doesnt pay anything as they have taken illegal connections, and rich people get settings where they use unlimited for limited amount. I condemn both..for poor also it is not right to use anything without paying and for wealthy..I mean use that much which you can pay. All of them are making the electricity shortage so acute that tons of fuel is being used for generations, its a national wastage.When will we have accounting for that?..Our primary requirement today is water , electricity and roads and we are lacking all the departments.

I saw ATITHI TUM KAB JAOGE..quite entertaining as it is I like Konkona very much.It shows in a filmy style how self centred we have become, we have no place for any guest or anybody..may be we need lot of adjustment and it requires lots of work also, but it has some advantages also.

I hogged on kadhai paneer, gulabjamun,kulfi with faluda.hmm my favourite, then chaat, khasta with aloo,icecream with mangoes.....missing that food...Chennai seems to be very expensive in comparison:)

I bought a few books in Hindi also, one from Saadat hasan Manto.quite famous urdu novelist..but I didnt like..I am yet to read..Lajja .by..Tasleema Nasreen.

Food in trains has become so expensive..one thali for 70/ and it was so tasteless that I was eyeing the food of my co passenger, who had brought from home..bharwan karela,dry aloo and poori:)

SHIPARAMAM

2010-03-30T04:13:00.000-07:00

SHILPARAMAM
I have been away from blogging as, I went to Hyderabad last week. HOw it is changing..so fast, but as always happens with something so fast, there are some minus points also. Hyderabad was and still is so beautiful because of its rocky terrain and landscaping, and now thorough commercialisation is finishing it fast, I just hope that govt puts some regulations regarding that.Earlier whole of jubillee hills road and madhapur also were lined with beautiful bungalows, now the lure of lucre is making the owners sell it for commercial ventures and I miss that beauty.

Whenever i go there I cant miss a trip to Shilparaman, my favourite joint...its to be seen to believe..how beautiful landscaping they have done..it makes me feel so happy sitting there below a tree relishing authentic dosa with chatney. and then just walking around:)

Tomorrow i am leaving to Lucknow for a month....for spending sometime with mymother and siblings and how I enjoy:)..my daughter says..ma you are excited like a small child:)....really sometimes I feel I am so lucky to have so caring and affectionate siblings....But all these relations need some patience, tolerance and hard work and I feel sad when today I see everyone being so self centred, they dont know what they are missing...There is nothing which can be compared to the thril one feels when there are so many people who care for your comfort, choices etc..its much more charming to be looked after, then doing everything yourself.

Tag by Nipun

2010-03-23T04:33:00.000-07:00

This is a tag I got from Nipun...Though I have done it six months before as I was tagged by Varsha..but no harm in doing again, as I also want to see how I have changed:)

1) What is your current obsession?
reading quotes.

2) What are you wearing today?
maroon salwar kameej

3) What’s for dinner?
Since navratri is going on it is sabudana khichri and kotu paratha:)

4) What’s the last thing you bought?
fruits and more fruits

5) What are you listening to right now?
got a new MP3 of duets..from sa re ga ma..from 1990..2009..few songs I really addicted to like...mere pyaare..from LOC kaargil(sonu Nigam is so melodious) and milan abhi aadha...Vivah and third is tosey naina laagey..Anwar

6) What do you think about the person who tagged you?
A young boy full of dreams and , from a cultured family .

7) If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the
world, where would you like it to be?
somewhere with lots of greenery and cool climate..

8) What are your must-have pieces for summer?
cotton salwar kameez..rather I wear only cotton all the time, except silk in winter.

9) If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
To my mother and siblings:)

10) Which language do you want to learn?
Tamil...learning every day..kunj kunj:)

11) What’s your favourite quote?
There are so many..I keep learning from them and they are posted in my blog.

12) Who do you want to meet right now?
my mom .

13) What is your favorite timepass?
Reading and writing.,and listening to songs,

14) Give us 3 styling tips that work for you.
Wear according to the ocasion and your personality and with an ATTITUDE.

15) What is your dream job?
Where I can meet new people and see new places.

16) What’s your favorite magazine?
RD and New woman.

17) If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
Give it someone who needs it more than me.

18) What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
many...but cant say:)

19) Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
I am yet to find any style icon.

20) What kind of haircut do you prefer?
I like loose long hairs,

21) What are you going to do after this?
watch TV

22) What are your favourite movies?
Silsila, Drohakaal,Masoom(Naseeruddin shah waali)

23) What inspires you?
Everything in this world conspires to inspire me...:)

24) What do your friends call you most commonly?
No nicknames for me

25) Would you prefer coffee or tea?
Tea ..tea and more tea.

26) What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Think positive...

27) What makes you go wild?
what is that:)......but yeah, rudeness makes me feel really wild with anger..I tell all my family that dont love me and dont do anything for me, I wont complain, but if you are rude, I can never forgive you.

28) Which other blogs do you love visiting?
All the blogs in my blog roll and many more....

29) Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
Triple sundae of Nirulas

30) How many tabs are turned on in ur browser right now?
5

31) Favorite Season?
spring....neither very cold, nor hot.

32) If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Now-a-days its too hot to cook:)

33) What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Ignorance is bliss...

34) What are you afraid of the most?
I am trying not to be afraid of anything as, god always makes you face those things you fear most.

35) When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you
thought?
Today i didnt see the mirror:)

36) What brings a smile on your face instantly?
A funny thought or old memories..or my loved one's voice.

37) who would you like to be......one who is a good daughter,wife,DIl and mother or one who has achieved a lot as a person?
Achievements are very subjective..to me without relations, nothing will be an achievement.

38) What would you do if you were made President of India for one day?
make it possible for everyone to be educated.

39) What is that one thing that keeps you going.
my belief in the goodness of life and optimism

40) Who was your first love?
my husband.

Rules for those who are tagged:

Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.

Here are the people I am tagging:
1. Bhagyareema
2. lostworld
3. Neha
4. Chitra
5.A new beginning
6.PIper

Few Quotes I like

2010-03-15T20:14:00.000-07:00

The more time you spend as a caregiver,
the less time you will spend as the cared for.

The more you provide, the less you will be in need.

Science bears this out with hard facts. Those that do volunteer work to help those in need stay healthier than those who don'tdo volunteer work.

If you do not like something, then change it. If you can not change it, then change the way you think about it."

Distances does not matter when the memories are
and Special People are not forgotten when they remain in Heart Beats"..........

You do not choose your destiny,It chooses you.

Always ask God to give you what you Deserve,
Not what you desire,
Because your desires may be few,
But YOU deserve A LOT !!!

Life never turns the way we want,
But we live it the best way we can,
There is no perfect life,
But we can fill it with perfect moments.

An arrow can be sent only by dragging it back,
So when life is dragging you back with difficulties,
it means that it is going to launch you into victory.

Alexander's beautiful last words....
Bury my body, dont build any monuments,
Keep my hand outside, so the world knows-
Who won the world had nothing in hand,
when he died.

Never design your character like a garden,
Where anyone can walk.
design it like the sky where
everyone aspires to reach.

A mentor is not a person who gives you advice.A mentor is a person whose advice you follow.~Mike Murdoch~

Learn to write your pains on the sand,
Where waves of forgiveness can erase it.
carve your joys in stone,
where even rain cant erase it.

In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving forourselves." Gautam Buddha

Difficulties dont come into ur life to destroy u but to help u realise your hidden potential and power, let difficulties know you are more difficult.

So many options...poison,sleeping pillss,hanging, jumping from building,lying on train track, but i chose plastics...slow and sure.

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,although I do not always like being taught.~Sir Winston Churchill~

Good relationship are like trees, they demand attention and care in the beginning but once they blossom, they provide you shade in all the situations of life.

If you are feeling depressed , if you are feeling sick then i know what is wrong with you, you are suffering form the defficiency of Vitamin ME.

As a child we always wanted to grow up fast.......Now we realise that incomplete homework and broken toys were far better than unfulfilled dreams and broken emotions.

People often say that motivation doesn't last.Well, neither does bathing,that's why we recommend it daily.~Zig Ziglar~

In a controversy the instant we feel anger we have already ceased striving for the truth, and have begun striving forourselves." Gautam Buddha

Difficulties dont come into ur life to destroy u but to help u realise your hidden potential and power, let difficulties know you are more difficult.

So many options...poison,sleeping pillss,hanging, jumping from building,lying on train track, but i chose plastics...slow and sure.

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,although I do not always like being taught.~Sir Winston Churchill~

Good relationship are like trees, they demand attention and care in the beginning but once they blossom, they provide you shade in all the situations of life.

If you are feeling depressed , if you are feeling sick then i know what is wrong with you, you are suffering form the defficiency of Vitamin ME.

As a child we always wanted to grow up fast.......Now we realise that incomplete homework and broken toys were far better than unfulfilled dreams and broken emotions.

SOME PEOPLE LIVE AND LEARN;OTHERS JUST LIVE!!!

Happiness often sneaks in.....through a door you didn't know you left open.

few ecerpts from the speech of JK Rowling at Harward

There is an expiry date on blaming your parents for steering you in the wrong direction; the moment you are old enough to take the wheel, responsibility lies with you.

Poverty entails fear, and stress, and sometimes depression; it means a thousand petty humiliations and hardships. Climbing out of poverty by your own efforts, that is indeed something on which to pride yourself, but poverty itself is romanticised only by fools.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.

Personal happiness lies in knowing that life is not a check-list of acquisition or achievement. Your qualifications, your CV, are not your life.

Life is difficult, and complicated, and beyond anyone's total control, and the humility to know that will enable you to survive its vicissitudes.

written by the Greek author Plutarch: What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality

As is a tale, so is life: not how long it is, but how good it is, is what matters.

We look for rewards through the persons we are nice
to but very rarely do we get them back. It is complete strangers
who show us kindness. This is what makes this world so
fascinating.

Motivation is what gets you started. habit is what keeps you going.--by Jim Ryun

This Weekend

2010-03-07T23:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday after a long time we had a good outing, first lunch in Green park..they have a value for money Buffet:)v and then saw two exhibitions at Chennai trade centre. One was really good with some beautiful things, specially the chappals were so beautiful with good material and just in 300/--I was quite pleasantly surprised ..... same type things in big stores with branding we get so expensive..then there was very good tewa jwellery and kundan also.Other was ..society collections...I saw this once in Delhi and that time it had really some good collection, but here everything was highly priced that as the only thing I found unique..can you imagin paying 50/ for 500 ml..pearlpet bottle of aerated drink? and then other one werent charging for women, but here no concession.

Earlier whenever I saw someone outside in nightie, dupatta and slipper, I always thought why people go outside in night wear, but today i was thinking who gave this name to this dress as night wear...west only because in India we never had any concept of this and if we find this dress comfortable to wear, then why not outside also....its not indecent or revealing sort....what do you think?.....actually I am very particular about wearing clothes according to the place and occasion..like I detest going anywhere as guest and sloppily dressed as I feel its an honour we give to our host by dressing up properly for them...I feel that it enhances the enjoy of that occasion.

Today my maid came and showed me scratches on her hand and told me that she was beaten by her husband despite high fever yesterday(she was on leave)..I felt so constrained that due to the ignorance of her language I couldnt even understand the reason and this is my first encounter with DV in reality..I so much wanted to tell her not to take it silently and retaliate..dont know what I can I do to help her..if anyone has any idea, please tell me.

Yesterday one incident disturbed me a lot..I came to know about a son who in spite of loving his widowed mother a lot hurts her like no one else with his tone of talking and when he blames her for any mishap in his life...why it happens? why children get so fed up of their dependent parents?..I read a comment by someone somewhere in a derogatory way..parents CLING to children even after marriage, though even animals leave...using the word clinging is so ...humiliating for a parent to listen and then it is because we are human, animals do that..not we..dont know what the world is coming to....How can we be kind to animals and other human beings if we cant care for our family even..what sort of education we are getting..is it an education?

EMI

2010-03-03T01:07:00.000-08:00

EMI ..as the name suggests it is about paying the instalments of personal loans..they have taken a very god them that first banks pester people to take ;loan, without inquiring or bothering about whether they need it or they have the capacity to pay, and then they pounce on the customers for repayment...this they have shown thru 3-4 families...One couple (Ashish Chaudhary)takes a loan for marriage ,honeymoon etc etc, and then they want to break up. One father takes a loan for his son's education abroad, and then son doesnt get a job to repay,.and then there is this recovery agency headed by a don..Sanjay dutt.in his affable don avatar. and he takes a human look at the defaulters and brings out the solution in his own novel way, besides romancing Urmila Matondkar.
Quite a different movie, and if the director was good it would have left a mark.

DIL BOLE HADIPPA...This is about a girl with dreams of playing cricket for her country, even if she has to don the garb of a boy...Rani has made it quite beautiful journey, though at some places she is over the top, and her type of Hinglish exasperates me..no more enjoyable....Shahid and Rani make this movie bearable,..RAkhi sawant is looking good...sad to see Anupam kher getting such roles only.

DEV D..I had heard so much about this that when it was aired on TV, I sat there to watch it.One thing I dont like about this new generation directors that they picturise the scenes in such a way that half the time either nothing is visble or nothing is heard, or we cant comprehend whats happening..editing doesnt mean that leave half the things for viewers to assume...Mahi gill is looking good and acted well..Abhay deol always underplays,.and initially I didnt like Kalki at all, but till the end she grows on me..all in all just ok, couldnt understand why so much hype was there? and it is supposed to be a modern take on Devdas and that angle is also not very clear.

HAPPY HOLI !!

2010-02-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

Since in Chennai working people dont get a holiday on Holi, we all celebrated it yesterday..all the young crowd was so enthusiastic, they only managed colours, snacks and music to dance and they danced with an abandon, I havent seen for a long, it was a thorughly enjoyable time, and I felt happy to see that even our young generation wants to celebrate old festivals and have so much of enthu. The only thing I missed was that none of the local people participated, whereas in our old apartments, it was always everyone....

And now a days I remember so many things from my childhood..like my mom was friendly with a lady whose husband was doctor and his mother used to live with them. Once the mother had high BP and in spite of him giving the medicine and taking care, it wasnt coming down an and he was perplexed..his wife was telling my mom..and with a laugh..that it wont come down because she wasnt talking to her and wont till she makes friends with her...At that time I was a child, but today when I remember the gossip of those times I feel horrible about those people.

I was looking for a maid for a long time, and now-a-days specially because my MIL is above 90 and cant leave her alone at anytime,, and last week like a god sent I got one..I am going to cherish her and see whether she stays:).....seems to me a good girl ....and now without anything to do I am feeling so restless and looking for a library to get some books...

Recently i read Two States and loved Ananya so much that i popularises this book in my family so much, today my nephew says.he wants a girl like Ananya and my brother is so enamoured by her that he says that for his son he wants a girl from Chennai:)( Ananya is from Chennai)

Wishing you all A very Happy Holi !!!

Tag from lostworld

2010-02-21T04:20:00.000-08:00

and lostworld has passed on the " Honest Scrap " award to me. ...Thank you Rohitha....last year I got two other awards, but neither I posted them nor wrote about them..but then we had some discussions in one of my post sand I felt that may be the people who gave me didnt like it..my heartfelt apologies to them !.....to me all my blogger friends are very important and its very difficult to choose.....This one I am posting because I can rightfully claim to be an honest person and that too without any diplomacy:)..though sometimes it has affected me negatively.

The Rules to rightfully claim this award are--

1.I must thank the person who gave me the award and list their blog and link it

2.I must list 10 honest things about myself

3.I must put a copy of Honest Scrap logo on my blog

4.I must select at least 7 8 other worthy bloggers and list their links

5.I must notify the bloggers of the award and hopefully they will follow the above three requirements also.

1......I am very thankful to you Rohitha that you thought of me worthy of this....thank you very much!

Now 10 honest hings about me......though I always write about myself so you must be knowing that already....

1--I am a very restless person, cant sit idle for a second..all the time I must do something.
2-I am a very house proud women, like to keep my home clean and always put my personal choice touches in everything I do...and I always feel proud in making my home hospitable to everyone...when my children were young, even if their friends got hurt, they will bring them to me for first aid or if they fell thirsty after playing, the whole brood will come to my place, as other mothers used to get irritated for filling the bottles etc etc:)..in my domain anyone can come any time and get food. with affection and that is the reason i have entertained..my husband's nephew's friend's mother even:).
3-I am a very disciplined person, and cant stand too much of indiscipline in life..
4-I am a very strongly ethical person...so much so that my peer group used to say that make .her the treasurer of club and every penny will be safe:)
5-I am a very social and active person, and all my life used to be always on all executive committees of our entertainment club..so much that today nobody believes that I am living a life of lonely housewife doing nothing:)
6-Once an HR person in my husband's organisation told me .. Mam...looking at you everyone thinks that you can do anything...this is the impression I give, but it is not a fact..but yes I have that zeal to do everything....like if I put my mind to something, I wont rest till I complete it.
7-My biggest weakness is that i cant tolerate rudeness and my temper flies.
8-I go that extra mile in all my relationships, but then somewhere in the back of my mind expect the same, which is not always possible and I get hurt.
9..I am a fair person, and believe in family values like respect your elders and love your youngsters, so I dont demand respect from my elders , only their blessings and love my children and demand respect from them..and to me individuality and self always comes after the family...sometimes with the family..but never before family or without family...
10-I like interaction on my posts..because that is the purpose of my blogging...It doesnt have to be appreciation only.

I am such a narcissistic person:)...writing about myself all the time....

now for tagging....all those first 7 bloggers who comment here..please this tag is awarded to you !!1

BEST YET? GOLDEN YEARS???.......

2010-02-17T01:50:00.000-08:00

LIFE

Have Fun:)

Source.email

Face of a woman.II

2010-02-11T20:41:00.001-08:00

Chanda was a beautiful girl from a very old fashioned family, where girls were married at the age of 14,15 and so she got married into an influential family at that tender age.Her sasuraal was like any other traditional ones, where bahus had no rights, only duties..she was made to work all the time and was always deprived of goodies.In those days husbands never spoke in front of their elders and no question of even asking his mother to be fair. Life went on, but the behaviour of inlaws made her feel very bitter.

Slowly slowly she started gaining confidence of her husband and husband also realised what all she was going thru.....after 15 years of marriage, she came into her own..she was the master of her home and her husband felt so guilty about all the past that he couldnt even assert the right things.....now if his family needed him, even then he couldnt do anything overtly, as she wouldnt let him do that, sometimes it killed him from inside, but that was his fate now..And she totally alienated his family now, they were shown that they were not important and welcome anymore. She refused to have anything to do with her MIL...and life went on...

Then her son got married, and in her jeal to be fair to her DIL..she gave her all the freedom, in a family where no bahu wore even salwar kameej, her DIl wore a gown even openly..she didnt take any dowry also....infact selected a girl from an ordinary family thinking that she would feel happy here and respect her more..but did this happen?..no.....the girl who had never ever even seen the type of clothes , house and other freedom and enjoyment money brought..got quite haughty, .....in most of the joint families, there is certain discipline and its mandatory to follow that, and she didnt....infact the conflict started when instead of respecting and loving her inlaws, she always thought how she could benefit her siblings..this was one thing her MIL couldn't tolerate, as she was a traditional person, and she didnt like her wealth going to others.

Neither she could find peace with her MIL, nor her DIL what went wrong and where?

My observation.......

Whatever we face, but when our inlaws are old we cant deny them their right of being looked after by us, she did that and god gave her the fruit.

It is a myth in the society that if one takes dowry one is not respected and vice versa....I have seen many families who didnt take anything still their DIL dont respect and otherwise..so dowry has nothing to do with this aspect.

Its very natural for the girls to do something for their siblings, but if their is too much of difference in the financial status, the desire will be more to do so, but you cant do that at the cost of your inlaws....if your siblings need something, then even inlaws should help them, but otherwise one cant bring equality..just as five fingers are not same, all siblings have different level of living, and one must accept that..secondly if the girl is earning it is different but otherwise doing unproportionately to your family will not be appreciated.

Certain discipline and decorum should always be maintained in the life in all relationships..
like parents should be friendly but not friend,
Inlaws should be nice but not let them be taken for granted,
DILs should enjoy freedom but with responsibilities.
When one enjoys the privileges of a rich family, one should be ready to take the traditions and responsibilities also of that family..one cant choose...

What do you think?....

AN ENLIGHTENING THOUGHT

2010-02-05T00:35:00.000-08:00

A must read post........here..

now mine:)

Live a life that mean,..rather meaningful
Ready or not it will come to an end

There will be no more sunrises,no more,
minutes, no hours and no days,

All the things you collected and treasured will pass on to some one Else.

Your grudges,resentment,frustration, jealousies
will finally disappear,
and so too your hope, ambitions and plans,

Your wealth, fame and temporal power will shrivel to unimportance,

The wins and loses that once seemed so important will fade away
It wont matter on what side of the track you were born,
It wont matter whether you were beautiful or brilliant,
Even your gender and colour of the skin will be irrelevant...

So What will matter?

How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought but what you gave.
what will matter is not your success but significance.
what will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of great compassion or sacrifice you did for others,
how enriched, empowered and encouraged,
What will matter is not your competence but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew but how many will feel the loss of your presence.
What will matter is not your memories but the memories that live in those who loved you.and how long you will be remembered and by whom and for what.

Living a life that matters doesnt happen by accident,
Its not a matter of circumstances but of choice.

I got this in my mail and loved it so much that i am sharing it with you all

Pedigree

2010-02-01T20:59:00.000-08:00

I keep reading lots of stuff and most of my posts come as a reaction to them and this post is also no exception:)...I read some statements by girls.....

Its a choice whether we stay with inlaws or not..nothing wrong or right with that.

Its okay if you aren't able to love your in-laws..Not wanting to live with in-laws is no big crime.

and some other statements also..like husbands should love their wife unconditionally..(meaning even if the wives dont care or respect his parents....

there were many more like this..and it set the ball thinking in my mind...In an arranged marriage and even in love marriage..a prospective groom is selected as much for his own qualities,
as for the upbringing done by his parents,
for the family he belongs to,
for the name he carries,
and if the family is good and affectionate..he carries more wt in the marriage market..he is known for his parents..all his credibility is because of his parents..and if it wasnt so,
girls parents should marry their daughters to anyone,

No, they want a boy of good pedigree:)
otherwise why so much of hulla for love marriages, intercaste marriages..caste is what?..it comes because of parents only...if only the boy was important, they could have gone for any caste, religion etc..but they want a particular caste, particular style of living...all imparted by his parents.
Ask any girl and her parents if they are shown two boys..
both are same education wise
looks wise,
but one comes from a good family(here I am using a generalised word..good for everything better)..whom will they choose?

It is very obvious...

before marriage everyone wants a good guy from a cultured family and after marriage, they want the family to dissappear..how convenient and selfish?

Living and looking after the parents is never a CHOICE but RESPONSIBILITY, and shirking from responsibilities never makes you a good human beings, then why talk about being kind to animals,poor and unprivileged people...does that social conscience also come to you at convenient times...

Living with inlaws may not be easy...who would know it better than me who was married in 70's, when MILs ruled...but I couldnt deny my responsibilities, just the way we face other problems in life with strength, so is this one..I remember once I said in the heat of a moment that I am really fed up of all this, I have done a lot for 20 years and have had it, it is enough for me, my son said..mom parents are lifelong responsibility, you can never ever done enough for them, nor you can say that..and those words were engraved in my mind...even today after another 15 years my MIl still lives with me and happier here than anywhere else, whereas now I have a dil and since today DILs rule..I face another mountain again:)..but thats life..its not about I,Me. Myself...one has to play all the roles of life and our success lies in making them better. Since we are human, we get exasperated, hurt,impatient but then we do what is required of us....as a good human being , as a good relation.
we cant even imagin that we can get a loving caring husband,with us all the time disrespecting his family..because that is not humanely possible.

IPL Drama

2010-01-28T05:03:00.000-08:00

Few Terracota Pieces
Khurja Pottery

I felt really sad when i saw on TV that..on one side Pakistan is making sea port on our west side to keep his warships there along with China and digging bunkers on another side to store his nukes and our govt is worried about all these developments, whereas on the other side media and film stars are giving undue importance to Pak cricketers not being selected by IPL..I dont know why..

Why we are trying to justify whom we want to play here?

Why are we more worried about their feelings than the safety of our country?

After 26/11 do we need something more to wake up and realise what our neighbours are?

and why Pakistan is making such hue and cry about our internal decision? When this is a simple business decision, Instead of introspecting and realising that this terrorism is hurting their economy, they are making unnecessary noises as usual, but what is disheartening is when people started accusing govt, raising fingers...Instead of thinking that as it is we have a very mild govt, and if it does something strict then think about it,..what is so serious there that they were compelled..When it doesnt take action we cry and when it takes, we cry louder...what is it with us?..we have this pseudo secularism where we see everything from the points of caste and religion, whereas enemy is enemy whatever his religion or cast.

Somebody sent me this link about the trafficking of girl child..its ghastly and horrible what is happening here...

http://www.ted.com/talks/sunitha_krishnan_tedindia.html

I think if we can counsel even our maid servants only and help them in any problem, a lot of improvement can be had all round..they need counselling about hygiene, family planning, educating children, and nutrition and savings. They can open an account in post office, and put little money every month. Saving is not something to be done when you earn well..its a habit, whatever we earn, we must put aside something and yes insurance they certainly need...
We must talk to them and make them feel comfortable so that they can share their problems with us,

I read in the paper that in a village near Coimbatore (oditthurai) villagers themselves have brought many changes and generated sufficient energy from the wind mill..we need this type of efforts everywhere, in a country abundant in sun light we hardly utilise that.

And we must encourage all our Indian handicrafts and handlooms. I always try to buy from local grocery store than big ones, and vegetables also from local ones..this way we can help them in prospering instead of filling the coiffures of big bussiness houses.We must encourage everything manufactured locally if we find it of good quality, we must not fall victim to packaging and
advertising.

Lastly i would like to tell everyone in Chennai that an exhibition of handlooms is going on in Valluvar kottam..and its really good to see, and things are worth buying..I bought jute slip ons, a few earrings, dress material and table mats and cups etc...everything was so beautiful and pocket friendly.

AAMRAS

2010-01-24T20:41:00.000-08:00

AAMRAS..is a low budget simple movie types I like..its about three teenage girls and their travails.The treatment is very natural and so is the acting by three girls..they all come from different backgrounds, but are very close to each other.Though at some places story gets filmy like Land mafia threatening a girl's mother , then other friend helping and all that,and love affair..but over all its a good and interesting movie..all three girls are fantastic in their roles..there are not any big stars, but thats what makes it worth a watch...one sees the characters...its fun to watch young girls idea of fun and their innocence.

AJAB PREM KI GAHJAB KAHANI..Heard a lot about this movie..what is it with our filmmamkers that now we are having many movies where the protagonist our hero..is good for nothing..neither educated, nor hard working( wake up sid)..sometimes even a cheat( bachna a haseeno).. here also the hero is a president of Happy club, making members by fooling around,and then falls in love with a girl who is in love with a rich boy whose parents are typical politicians....story is quite old and it looks like that its a mix of many movies..but the acting of Ranbeer and Katrina give it a fresh look and save it.I liked 2 songs also.But I think Raj kumar santoshi is still stuck in 80's and 90's, hope he comes out of it in his next..few one liners are good.

All the BEST..This is again he rehash of all these Golmaals and Shaadi no 1 etc..Idea is so repeated that lost all the appeal..again the heroes are liers, cheat and useless fellows.I liked Sanjay Mishra and his..Just Chill..Johny Liver bores me now and so is the hamming of Fardeen. I like Ajay Devan as suave, well dressed, because his looks are of a rufian and if dressed like that, he is so natural:)..Bipasha looks good and so does Sanjay Dutt.I dont like movies starting with a song and that too boring ones..no good music here, and all the old and repeated gags...not worth watch.

Do Knot Disturb:..what is with our directors..our heroes are all loosing their sheen..earlier they were paragons of virtue today they have loads of vices....I prefer simple stories with real lives and their problems.....This is the story of a husband who is cheating his rich wife or should I say two timing both his girl friend and wife...but yes girl friend is also looking for money, as she knows he is married.with his wife's money he arranges everything to cheat his wife..how low a man can get, and all this for comedy..couldnt laugh..earlier i liked Sushmita, but now I see that she is Sushmita everywhere, no other character, same style of speaking and here its all very artificial..again for the sake of comedy..Reitesh is the only saving grace and a little Rajapal Yadav..Lara is Ok, Govinda is worth watching only for his dances.

KHoya Khoya Chand:..It is a Sudhir Mishra's movie, so i had lot of curiosity..but here I didnt like his lighting style.just like RGV's ..everywhere dark..its a film heroine's life...but nothing touches you, neither her loss, nor her happiness. Soha couldnt make her role come alive. Shiny Ahuja is good in parts, but all the characters are mere caricatures, o depth in them and nothing new..sometimes in the zest of showing reality they show things which are illogical or inconsequential.I love to watch stories based on film industry..like Luck BY Chance, but here it looks a vintage movie, as I dont know how initially Soha is like 60's heroine and later on 80's but she nevr ages in looks..one song is good..oh re pakhi..and some dailogues come out very well specially from Shiney and his style of speaking Lucknnawi..with HUm is endearing.

TASHAN: forgot to write that i saw this one also..time pass movie but two songs are good, plus one can watch becaus eof good actors..though whenevr Anil Kapoor comes on screen..I feel like asking him to shut up..he really irritated with his Hinglish.

The Chinese Lucky Tag

2010-01-19T02:32:00.000-08:00

I am tagged by Anupama of sincerely yours( her blog is like a lyric..poem, written in prose) for this tag........Anu ..I am trying to do the best to do this tag...

8 TV shows/News Channels I like to watch

i dont like to watch many TV shows but still I will give the names of all the shows I have liked so far...

1. Sarabhai vs. sarbhai

2.Ghar jamai

3.Baalika Badhu

4.comedy circus

5.koffee with Karan

6.Dekh Bhai dekh

7.Left Right Left

8.Buniyaad

8 Places to eat and dine

1.Tadka (Hyderabad)

2.Influence (Chennai)

3.Chutneys[Hyderabad]

4.Rain tree (eco hotel in chennai)

5.Cafe Tapas velachery chennai

6.country club Goa

7.Haldiram Nagpur

8.Saravana Bhavan[Chennai]

8Things I Look Forward To

This is very difficult for me as I dont look forward to anything much..so let us see:)

1.visiting my mother...she has been unwell and I havent seen her so that is the first thing on my mind now.

2.a vacation to a hill station with my husband,

3.waiting to meet my siblings to chitchat:)

4..to be able to join some NGO

5.to write something which brings happiness to someone

6.To live in peace with out any conflict with anyone.

7.to be able to live my life with dignity without having to demand or ask anything from anyone, just doing for others...no taking

8..to see happiness and peace everywhere.be it family friends or country.

8 Things That Happened Yesterday

1.my sister in law went and I was feeling lonely.

2.placed an order for Two states By Chetan Bhagat

3.Talked to my sis as usual:)

4.my son called me.

5.

8.the new post was published

8 Things I love about Winter

1.I love sitting in rajai and sipping tea

2.No sweating and I love cooking

3.Sitting out, eating peanuts and knitting.

4.I love eating dry fruits and gajar halwa

5.Wearing silk sarees.

6. Love those misty mornings, sitting outside in the balcony of a hotel in hill station.. and watching nature.

7.Love going to the nature parks and zoo etc and thats possible in winter only, summer exhausts me completely.

8 Things on my Wish-list

1.peace in life

2.to go on vacations

3.to do the right things and live a righteous life

4.to cheer up and inspire the ones who have lost hope

5.to lead a peaceful and healthy life in a place where all the responsibilities are taken by someone else and I can do what i want all the time.

6.to be useful to everyone

7.to have a small cottage in a hill station with fruit trees in front and vegetables grown in the back(I am not very fond of growing flowers..more a utility person).and live there frugally, near nature without opulence.

8. want to join some organisation where I can do something for others.

8 Things I am Passionate about

1.My family

2.My values

3.My thoughts and principles

4.good people

5.spiritual teachings

6.sincerity in life..for everything

7.reading inspirational posts, articles

8.taking care of environment..no plastic, less water and electricity, less paper

8 Words/Phrases I often use

1.I was thinking

2.rightly said

3.I heard

4.Actually

5.wow

6.By the way

7.beautiful

8.wah

8 Things I learnt from the past

1.Never marry in haste..marriage is one decision which must be taken with lot of thought and research as it impacts two families.Education is more important than marriage.

2.everyone must get due importance....inlaws are equally or sometimes more important.

3.maintain some discipline in the home, it makes the family cohesive.

4.Before doing anything always see ..it must not hurt anybody, any happiness you get by hurting somebody is not worth it..

5.we may not win the battles by our being nice and righteous, but we certainly make ourselves feel better by being so.

6.Don't spoil the present by worrying about future, or thinking about past

7.Life is not fair but good..God always balances everything..so do what is right( I dont believe in choices in everything) and leave the rest to god.

8.Prayers work miracles.and faith in God and his justice and goodness in life..solves all our problem..be kind to everybody...be it human , animal or environment.

8 P laces I would like to go /Visit

1.Guruvayoor/

2.Vaishno devi along with..chitpoorni, jwalaji and kashmir

3.Chidambaram(for naadi shastra) and Thanjavur

4.Jaageshwar

5.Dharmashaala, chail, kufri

6.Ooty once again

7.Goa once again

8.Singapore, Bangkok

8 Things I currently need/want.....

Now my wants are not much and needs are also fulfilled always, so cant think of anything much but still I am writing......

1.a cup of tea..that I always need

2.my book I ordered

3.A few cosmetics and chappal

4.to see 3 Idiots

5.want to go to my hometown

6.new magazines.

7.want to buy a few books

8 Blogging Buddies I want to Tag

1 Varsha shrote

2.Noopur

3.Holy Lama

4.Neha

6.Rohitha

7.Nipun

8.Insignia

There are many points still blank , I cant think of anything, may be I will fill them up later on.

Face of a woman

2010-01-12T03:36:00.000-08:00

Prema was born in in 1930's in a well to do family, but as her luck would have it, she was married to a teacher of a poor family and that too a principled teacher who wouldnt take tuition or any money from the students he helped, rather helped a few with fee also and in those days teachers never got any good salary. So she led a very tough life . She had to really work hard to make ends meet, as she had 2 daughters and two sons.In those days nobody planned the family according to affordability.Her life was a chapter in deprivation.and she was quite bitter with her husband. By the grace of god and with the help of relatives, she got both the daughters married and his sons were also very bright. When the elder one became a professional and got a job, she wanted him to marry for dowry. But his father would have none of it, he wanted an intelligent girl from a cultured family for his son.And he got one and got dowry also and from here her life took a turn......
There are two types of persons in this world, one..who never want to take their past to future and want to bring goodness and be nice to everyone.
Second types believe in getting even..of course they do it subconsciously , without even realising.Any one would think that a women who has borne so much, would be so nicer to her DIL and here she was considered a silent women by all..but she was silent , not out of choice but compulsion.She behaved abominably with her DIl, would be as rude and uncaring as possible.All her mother's heart was reserved for her daughters and younger son.If she had her way, she wouldnt even give food to her.
Unfortunately her husband died and she had to live with her elder son only, still she never changed, he did everything but got neither any appreciation,always criticism, nor his wife got any love from her. and the time passed and her beloved younger son also got married and migrated abroad leaving her behind with the elder one.
Still she always thought of her younger DIL and son, about what she could do for them.As long as she was physically fit, all her daughters called her and wanted her with them,but there came a time when she became a responsibility and then none wanted her, as keeping her meant certain restrictions in life style, extra work and extra expenses. Now she lives with her elder son and his wife looks after her, the same who was maltreated by her, still not loved though. and till today she doesnt realise who loves her and who doesnt..she is still in the same mind of that her daughters are very good and loving etc etc....DILs are bad........

When I see people like her I wonder...

Was her husband right in sticking to his principles ? Was it not his duty to provide for his wife and children? People glorify the man for his thoughts but forget the suffering he brings to his family..his wife and children.

Why couldnt she manage her family well, as many people earn less, but that doesnt mean they depend on others or live in misery, even today I see many people managing their lives well with meagre salaries..its all about management.

Why some people have to bear all the responsibilities in life and get no acknowledgement? For them their family is like a cross they bear.

How hurting it must be for a man to know that his family is so selfcentred or to have a mother who is least bothered about his happiness?

How could a mother be partial?

When I see mothers being adulated like angels, where will you put a mother like her?

What makes a woman so uncaring towards other 's daughters?

About the mindset of that elder son's wife also..how she can take it? or why?

But I know that if she refuses to live with her, she will be the talk of the town as society always sympathises with old people without thinking that when it was their time to do something they didnt and today they are reaping what they sowed.......
I so much long to have a fair society where none blames the other without knowing the facts, neither all DILs are bad, nor all old people deserve sympathy....what do you say?

I liked this post.....http://perfectlifespotters.blogspot.com/2010/01/peep-show-why-i-switched-to.html

AWARDS AND MY BLOG

2010-01-06T20:00:00.000-08:00

I received a few awards from Lostworld, NU, Reflections etc, and i felt very honoured.and thank you all who thought me worthy of that. Its good to be acknowledged, they encourage me to do better.But the way a mother cant differentiate in her children, I cant do the same for my readers. To me all who read are important and good and I wouldnt like to differentiate.If I go to any blog, then its only because I like them, the day i dont like , I stop going there. and the same way, many people give you awards and then dont even come to your blog, I wouldnt like that happen to me here. To me the comments are an awad in itself...and if they keep coming everyday..they give me oxygen to breathe.

Basically the purpose of my blogging is that my views may be read by many and may be they can make a positive difference to someone in this world..I want to share all the good and bad happening to me, because everything in life teaches us something. Though it will benefit more if I make efforts in increasing my readership, but then I am not made like that.It doesnt come to me easily.I want to extend a hand to everybody who would like it.

I believe that we must love people and use things.. so every month, every year, I dont think about what all I am going to acquire, but whether I am going to touch any life in a positive way, whether I will be able to bring a smile to anyone..how can we bring more harmony in our family etc.For last two months my servant is coming very erratically, 15 days a month, as her child is sick, but then she wont forsake all her other obligations also like today is some housewarming for my mother etc etc.But still i feel that this is the time she needs support, neither I must sack her, nor cut her pay, rather give her something extra. But I am also human and sometimes I get annoyed, so I have asked my hubby to make me cool down that time:)..My MIL always keeps cribbing about her, but I always say think what she must be going thru, we cant even imagine her plight as we have been amply blessed by God.Sometimes these people take advantage of our goodness, but then its ok, my mantra is never to exploit anybody, being exploited is fine..at least god has put me in a privileged position of being exploited:)

Presently I am reading A place Called Freedom ..By Ken Follet..its about old times in Scotland and coal mines, their situation, greed of owners, pathetic situation of workers their hard life, working without any safety standards, being slaves, all this resembles so much with what we have today in India and it shows that only development changes the world.

ART OF GIFTING

2010-01-01T21:09:00.000-08:00

This is the season of gifts..for Christmas, New year and marriage season.I love buying gifts for my loved ones and getting it also..who doesn't:)....Earlier my father always used to tell my mother to give me money and let me buy it myself, but I denied, I always wanted something bought by my mother.it held emotional value to me. I always thought that gifts are the reminder of the person who gave them to us, they shouldn't be taken as fulfilling some of our needs, they fulfil our emotional needs.

But sometimes people give anything in gift without thinking of occasion or the person they are gifting. My children used to hate the gifts of clothes on their Bdays, their logic was that clothes are the responsibilities of parents and they fulfil it. give us something to play or enjoy, they used to love stationary items, so today I remember that while buy gifts for children Once someone gave a bed sheet to my daughter of 12 years, she felt so irritated. Sometimes people just circulate the gifts, and in those cases gifts are getting passed like a musical chair with no value attached to them.

Some people give as gifts what they like, never thinking about what the receiver likes.But then if we buy things we don't like..the charm of buying and gifting goes of. I love buying clothes, jewellery as gifts for my children, but they want everything of their choice, so I find no pleasure in gifting, its like giving them money only.Whenever I see something I like, I feel like buying for them..and to me that's real gifting, but they don't want that, they have specific choices, wish lists and all. and slowly slowly we are coming to the stage where on every occasion I will say..bhaiya take this money and buy something for yourself, and we wouldn't know when we will loose all emotional connections with gifts.

Once a colleague of my husband praised one of my brass butterflies, and i got them for him and gave him next time as gift..he was so happy mainly because he thought that I cared enough to remember that.

This time when my daughter came, we were talking and discussing all the topics we could and i was saying that now I have a mobile, but next time whenever I buy, I am going to buy one with camera and minimum 2 MP, and with transfer facility, so that if suddenly i want to take some picture for my blog I can take it.and then post it, she asked me, what else you like, and I said, nothing else, may be MP3 for music. She never buys gift just like that, so I wasnt suspicious at all. next day we went to Citi centre and when she bought I never came to know even. and she and my SIl changed the sim of my phone( I give then whenever we go out), and when I took my phone to attend a call, I thought it is feeling thinner, why and then they started laughing.............initially i was so shocked that instead of thanking her, I started scolding her..why did you spend etc etc:):)....this was one of the most pleasant surprise I got in my life:) and a good gift.

I think that while gifting we must consider..
the choice of the receiver..because if we give perfume to a person who doesn't like or allergic to it, it cant be an appropriate gift however good it may be.
then buy of our choice and our budget.....yes I don't like the gifts to be according to either the standard of taker or what somebody else has given us, I prefer to give them all according to me..it reflects my choice, my standard.

So isnt it better to take gifts for their feelings only?.
.why cant we find value in everything we get?
Why do we need everything valuable?
Are the sentiments of no value?

All of us like our gifts to be cherished and get something which we can .

Sounds quite complex:)..I am looking for all your suggestions...tell me what all of you think about it..Do you want a gift to fulfill some of your wishes for worldly things or you want them for their feelings? and what is your criteria while gifting.

Parenting

2009-12-28T20:52:00.000-08:00

Last week I was busy because my daughter and son.in law were here:)..so it was time to do cooking, shopping, taking them out, having discussions on all sundry topics, play cards and then talk and talk:).......When my children were young and studying in hostels, whenever they came they occupied me whole sole..my daughter wouldn't even let me take any calls, wouldn't want me to go to any club meetings or watch TV..even my neighbours used to say....bacche aane se bhabhi to dikhni band ho jaati hain, ( you are not seen anywhere when your children come)..and i being an indulgent parent used to love that possessiveness of my daughter. But once when my daughter started working and I went to her......I will stay alone in the house and when in the evening she will come she will play some puzzle with her flatmate..and I used to feel so hurt thinking here I am waiting for the whole day for her arrival and when she comes, instead of spending that time with me she is playing. Its then that i realized that we parents are so wrapped up in their children that we refuse to see beyond them, our whole life revolves around them...to me whenever they came that day would be Diwali...I could miss any of my trips and parties and not feel any regret. and I always thought that i wouldn't have any expectations from my children, because I am not doing it for them but for my own pleasure...but this is far easier to say than think:).....I used to feel hurt whenever i saw that they wouldn't exchange their own time, their own pleasures even for a short period, though they are good children...But they will always think of their own convenience first.....and slowly slowly it dawned at me that we were not loving children, we were sacrificing our lives..loving someone doesn't mean one shouldn't live one's life.
And to us enjoyment means...having the children with us, and we pampering them..all our aims, ambitions in life could never be fulfilled without children..which is not right.
Today I think parents should look after the children but with right frame of mind....love them , give them the best you can afford, and a family should have importance of everybody, not only children. In many families I see that children are given beyond what the family can afford, parents don't buy anything for them, but provide children with everything.One big disadvantage of all this is that the child grows with a different sensibilities and status also, if he is a son, he wants to get married to a girl of that mentality which will be so different from parents....like so many times poor parents stake everything they have for one child thinking that once he becomes economically better than he will take care of their whole family, which according to me is not a right thing for many reasons...
one...you are bringing up that child by doing partiality with other siblings,
two..this is your family , not your son's, so don't burden him with that responsibility,he wouldn't be able to do that, and if he does, he wouldn't be very happy in his own life.
three.--whenever a boy rises higher, he wants to marry a girl who matches his present status, and the girl from that status wouldn't fit with his family and all the blame will come upon the girl, though she would be innocent, as her demands and nature would be according to her status.

So my feeling is that parents should provide for the children equally whatever they have and save some for their old age. and for any higher studies, if the child is eligible will get loan which he/she can pay later on with his/her job.Instead parents should save for their own old age and try to be always financially independent.

Now-a-days i enjoy the time with my children, but never go into depression after they leave, which earlier I used to go,so much so that even today the day they go my husband calls me from the office( which he never did earlier:) to enquire whether I am OK:),trying to create my own life and blogging has been a big help to me.Now I read a lot and try to do something else other than think about them all the time.

WISHING YOU ALL A VERY HAPPY AND PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR !!!!

My favourite quotes

2009-12-15T20:20:00.000-08:00

The short road, the easy path, the light load, all lead to lower grades in the school of life
The most important things in your home are the people

coincidence is where God chooses to remain anonymous.

Making the decision to have a child is momentous,as it is to decide forever to have your heart go walking beside you.

One aspect of wisdom is knowing when to hang on...and when to let go.

Two best bequests one can give to the offssprings is ROOTS & WINGS( support and freedom).

"Treat everyone with politeness, even those who are rude to you, not because they are nice, but because you are nice"

for me and my house, our credo is: There is no success ina career that can make up for a failure in the family.

Life is more strict than a teacher as teacher teaches first and then takes the exam,life takes the exam first and then teaches.

we make a living by what we get,we make a life by what we give.

Ability is what you are capable of doing. motivation determines how you do , attitude determines how well you do it.

Motivation is what gets you started. habit is what keeps you going.--by Jim Ryun

Problems can either make you or break you.
The hammer that can break glass can shape steel.
Its upto you to be a glass or a steel.
Have the will power of steel and vision of glass

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

marriage is not about giving up or giving in ; its about going the distance together

ALL ABOUT ADVERTISEMENTS

2009-12-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

few ads which I like and some that I dont:).....I have always found that some ads are very endearing and some very innovative,whereas some are very good, but they hardly remind you of the product they are advertising..so I would think of them as useless as they defeat the purpose.

There was this ad of I think Babool tooth paste, where a sweet child ask the class of mummies about what should be given to children....conversation goes like this.....

child....aunty aap bataiye , choclate khaane se kya fayada ha..

aunty..hmm.....

child....aapse to poochna hi bekar ha, mummy aap bataaiye...

I just love that child.

2.....I love that HDFC insurance one ..where aged parent refuse the support of son in getting down the train..just like the idea of independence.

3..there is this one coming now .a.days from voda fone where an animated cartoon ;laughs uncontrollably watching people standing in a que to pay bills.....that body language of cartoon is so realistic.....

4..Max new york life..where parents have come to see off their son..their over protective nature and talk and then that girl sitting there smiling..all is so real and original, all parents treat their children with kid gloves:)

5..all the ads of sprite.....very innovative..specially those ones where two friends see a girl and adopt different ways to make friends with her and end result is hilarious:)

6..Add of Siaram suitings and MDH masala..I love this feeling that Indian whatever they wear or wherever they live, they always respect their elders..here a girl is shown in a jeans Tshirt, but when she sees an elder of the family, she covers her head with the stole and touches his feet.

7-The one of Nerolac paints with Irfaan and Konkona sen sharma,

8-DAAG ACCHE HAIN campaign by surf

8-Jeetey raho..by ICICI PRU..I love the chemistry between husband and wife and connection between daughter and father.

I dont like any add of HARPIC, its so disgusting to see that I feel like shutting the TV,

and none of the FAIR AND LOVELY ..all look so artificial.

and the latest one of Lux with Abhiash..here they themselves are tring to encash their personal life..one with good news..itsa really pathetic to see so rich people doing all this for money.

and I just dislike film heroines advertising washing powders. or stain removers.....what they do know about it?..even otherwise I like ads with models, rather than celebrities.
I will keep on adding to my list........
what are your favourites ?

FOR ONE MORE DAY..MITCH ALBOM

2009-12-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

I just love the books written by Mitch Albom
This is a story of a man who is not successful in life,he is just a failure as he thinks, no job, a divorce , all this makes him feel depressive, and he had a troubled childhood also and when his daughter doesnt invite him for her marriage, he is completely depressed and tries to end his life and then in a trance-he gets one more day with his mother who has been dead for long, and in that period his whole life is reviewed and and he sees everything as it truely happened and without any bias and many mysteries and misunderstandings are solved and thru his mother he gets a confidence in himself and she makes him feel special and very good about himself and he makes something of his life ultimately, because he is one of those few lucky persons in life who got a chance to undo his wrong and seek forgiveness from his mother.One takes so many things in life for granted,and their value is known only after they are taken away from us. This is what it teaches us that we should value everything we have got and live life to the fullest as life is the biggest gift from God.Many times in life, certain things happen and we form opinions about everybody and everything..but before that we must try to know the truth, or otherwise we must not judge the people.Here the protagonist always misunderstood his mother and her actions and made himself miserable, only later on he came to know that his mother was a very good person and loved him very much.

Mitch Albom is my favourite writer, and I can read his books again and again and everytime I get a new perspective on life,isnt it surprising that his writings even about life after death are ultimately a celebration of life only.They make you feel special and happy.

BALANCE

2009-11-30T19:54:00.000-08:00

When we were young there were no Bday celebrations and my bday was never celebrated before marriage. It is only after marriage that I got this type of importance from my H(hubby) and soon the expectations started and those usual rounds of tiff, sometimes he would do a lot, and sometimes nothing and then children came in our life..when they grew up they used to pester upon papa to do this and that..and all this used to make me miserable, i was not happy with all that, as I didnt want much and nothing which came after demand..its my habit, I never like to demand anything from any body..do something for me, if you want , otherwise dont...I am happier without it. In those growing years children used to promise the world to me....once we grow up we will do this , that and that........................list was endless. But time never stops for anyone, the time came, they grew up, got in jobs, got married.....and today they are also just like that, one year they will send flowers, cakes everything, next year nothing..only cards:)..sometimes they too are late or not there at all.......all that doesnt mean that they dont love me, its only that they are not that committed to me...they will be always there in the hour of my need but otherwise they are busy with their own life.

One thing my life has taught me that children are our duty and we must fulfil that to the best of our capacity but life partner is truly our life..his ways of doing something may be different, but its he/she only who does the best for us,we must never make him/her second to any one in our life...... Now it my H only who remembers everything and tries to do everything which makes me happy .With time bonds get stronger and deeper.
and then siblings.. with them the bond we share is unique...Normally in the plans of life we put them after children, but it shouldnt be so, they also have that important part in our life. My siblings are all so caring and close to me that i feel such a loved one and it always gives me a high..they will always go that extra mile for me...last year I was with my sister and she made that day so memorable to me, and this year also I went to my sis in Canada and felt so loved and respected, that loved my stay there . Sometime i wonder why our emotions are like that, why cant I do as much for my siblings as I do for my children, because what I get from them is unmatched, but then life is not a game of give and take.....we give and do at certain places and get back from some...god always balances everything.

VALUES

2009-11-24T19:47:00.000-08:00

sometimes we hear about somebody so much that we make a certain image about him without even meeting,like there was this young man,I heard so much about,his parents used to say that he is so efficient and caring about them and nice, that I put him on a high pedestal and always wanted to meet him. Recently luckily we got a chance to stay together..(he is related to us), and I was totally disappointed..he didnt have a even common courtesy..like I was the only woman there except his parents and wife and his brother and his wife...and he never bothered about me at all..like even if he brought water to drink,he will get it only for his mother etc,and left me to fend for myself...if he will order in a restaurant,he wouldnt ask me...his behaviour left me thinking..is this the way we want our children to be?

All my life I have emphasized one thing to my children..be a good human being. Because being a good son,husband,brother or daughter and sister come easily to us..because we have attachments..MOH...we think that we are doing good bu tin reality we are doing all this for our own love only,whereas being a good DIL,or SILor a good human being is more difficult..so here comes the test of our character.......when we used to go to parties, If my children will get anything for me,they will get for all the women sitting with me,or atleast ask everyone,if they want,

if they see any woman standing,they will offer the seat(not to their own mother only),

and if they can help with the heavy carriages, they will certainly do so,
these are all the common courtesies and show our sanskar.

I would never like my son to be like that young man..to me being cultured is as important as being a good son,and a cultured person is automatically caring..I still remember once I was standing at a bus stand in NOIDA in 80's..I was young but not habitual of bus travel,so bus will come and go and I will not be able to board it...then a young boy who was also waiting there, stopped the bus and waited behind me till I got in and then boarded...it has been more than 25 years, but I still cant forget him,and I blessed him and his parents who gave him such good values.

If we do something for some reason..its not so vluable as when we do it without any motive...have seen it with many people that they willd anything for relations, but otherwise they are very unkind type of persons..personally I go everywhere more for humanity then for relations..I will be more kind to my maid or a needy person than to a relative..not that I am rude..no rudeness is one thing I detest anywhere..I amjust saying that if there is anytime I have to choose between giving,whomI will choose.

what do you think?

The Boy and The Tree

2009-11-21T21:04:00.000-08:00

A long time ago, there was a huge apple tree. A little boy
loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the
tree top, ate the apples, took a nap under the shadow...

He loved the tree and the tree loved to play with him.

Time went by...
The little boy grew up, and he no longer played around the tree
everyday. One day, the boy came back to the tree with a sad
look on his face. "Come and play with me," the tree asked the
boy. "I am no longer a kid, I don't play around trees anymore."
The boy replied, "I want toys. I need money to buy them."
"Sorry, I don't have money...but you can pick all my apples and
sell them so you will have money."

The boy was so excited. He grabbed all the apples on the tree
and left happily. The boy didn't come back after he picked the
apples. The tree was sad.

One day, the boy returned and the tree was so excited.
"Come and play with me," the tree said.
"I don't have time to play. I have to work for my family.
We need a house for shelter. Can you help me?"
"Sorry, I don't have a house, but you can chop off my branches
to build your house."

So the boy cut all the branches off the tree and left happily.
The tree was glad to see him happy but the boy didn't come back
afterward. The tree was again lonely and sad.

One hot summer day, the boy returned and the tree was delighted.
"Come and play with me!" the tree said.

"I am sad and getting old. I want to go sailing to relax
myself. Can you give me a boat?" "Use my trunk to build your
boat. You can sail far away and be happy." So the boy cut the
tree truck to make a boat. He went sailing and didn't come
back for a long time.

Finally, the boy returned after he had been gone for so many
years. "Sorry, my boy. But I don't have anything for you
anymore. No more apples for you..." the tree said.

"I don't have teeth to bite," the boy replied.

"No more trunk for you to climb on."

"I am too old for that now" the boy said. "I really can't give
you anything... the only thing left is my dying roots," the
tree said with sadness.

"I don't need much now, just a place to rest. I am tired after
all these years," the boy replied.

"Good! Old tree roots are the best place to lean on and rest.
Come sit down with me and rest." The boy sat down and the tree
was glad and smiled with tears.

******************

This is the story of everyone.

The tree is our parent. When we were young, we loved to play
with Mom and Dad... When we grew up, we left them...
We only came to them when we needed something or when we were in
trouble.

No matter what, parents will always be there and give you
everything they can to make you happy.

It may seem as if the way the boy treats the "tree" in the story
is cruel, but many of us take our parents for granted in the
same way.

Never forget how important your parents are and try not to take
them for granted... they may not be around forever.
Source..email

SOME SHOCKING NEWS

2009-11-06T19:36:00.000-08:00

NAANY SEDATES BABY AND RENTS OUT TO BEGGARS IN BANGLORE...This was the news in TOI 6th NOV.......
Domestics like her are going to make really life difficult and stressed out for working couple.....Whats happening, why are we loosing all ethics?

MUMBAI BASED POLICEMAN ATUL SAWANT THREW OUT HIS 85 YEAR OLD MOTHER SAVITRI SAWANT FROM HER OWN HOME/..
This I read in Savvy Sep issue...How could be humans like that....must be a real sad day for the mother to see that the child she brought in this world is throwing her out.....what is happening? why we have no family values or respect?

EX JHARKHAND CM WAS IN TALKS TO BUY NOIDA SEZ...
this scam is mind boggling, as this was going to be a really big buy for a staggering 4800 crore to be paid in euros...what is happening..corruption of this level and we thought that those who come from the ground are better?

LANKA DEPORTS DANISH NATIONALS WITH STOLEN PASSPORTS TO TIRUCHI..
.here 6 Danish nationals were travelling all around India for one month and they crossed a few airports, but none checked it that their passports were stolen, it was checked only when they reached srilanka and there officials found it and they were deported it..says a lot about our officials alertness and our security checks...what is happening...We thought we are a vigilant nation having suffered so much.

A YOUNG PATIENT DIES IN CHANDIGARH DUE TO THE DELAY CAUSED BY SECURITY COVER OF PM..
A 32 year old man died because he couldnt get medical assistance in time due to the security arrangement of PM who was on a visit...shameful, now whatever PM may say, but can he bring back a brother, husband and son..a young life wasted for nothing...what is happening... when will govt. learn the value of commom man?

BLACKBERRY THEFT AT AIRPORT....
.Sanjay somany..managing director of Hindustan national glass industries stole the blackberry of a fellow passenger....isnt it shocking? He was caught due to the footage in CCTV cameras..what is happening.....if Industrial will become a thief, what will thief do?
10 YEAR OLD GIRL BURNT ......
an employer gave grievous burns to his maid of 10 years for stealing medicine, as she was unwell..how inhuman can we be?..what is happening..where is child labour commission?

Riches & Values

2009-11-01T21:11:00.000-08:00

When I saw ..DIL DOSTI ETC..... and wondered why the movies which are called realistic are like this and Page 3 always show ...

Rich man as philandering husbands,

Rich mothers without any morals always embarrassing their children with their promiscuity,

Rich fathers encouraging their daughters to go up in life leaving the morality behind.

Rich boys taking physical relationships very casually,

Middle class bearing the brunt of being backward,

Morals and values being derided by rich and upheld only by not so rich

So is there a connection between being rich and immoral?

Cant we have both..values and money?

Is really all rich are like that?...I hate to believe that.

Sometimes I think being given too much of choice in life is not always good, as we being human are not sure to always choose good, in certain areas its okay to be strictly disciplined......Sooner we will have to decide what we want in life?

Are we looking at short term gains or long term happiness?

To much of freedom is not doing any good, but then who gets to decide the limit?

Are we waiting for the rot to set in before we wake up?

I always think that prevention is better than cure but today none seem to believe in this, everybody wants the cure...Why do we need to so much of freedom? freedom for what?

To go astray?

to live a lazy life and get multiple diseases?

To live free of commitments and then get lonely?

To let go of the opportunities for the lack of perseverance and then get frustrated?

Does anybody realises that freedom comes with a lot of responsibilities, but that word has been removed.......The way rich people are shown in the movies...nobody could admire them, but i admire, Tatas, Birlas, Murthys.....I refuse to believe that with money, vices come naturally.

But If all above is true then upper class society is totally decadent ....I am happy being a middle class genuinely..not one of those who rise after all this and then shout at the top..I have my middle class values intact:)

I have a firm belief that...

Beauty and brains can be together,

Money and character are not antonyms, but the qualities can go together,

Not all poor are ethical, nice and kind, nor all rich are cruel and dishonest.

What do you think?

Is acceptance for senior citizen marriages just a myth?

2009-10-27T21:11:00.000-07:00

yesterday i was reading a query in a magazine..it was put by a 55 yer old daughter whose 76 year old father wants to remarry a 60 year old woman. The daughter was not finding it right, but couldnt say that it was wrong even. Daughter said that they are looking after their father..but living in a different place..none could look after anyone..its a farce only.When one cant look after them. they have no right to say anything in their life.

I want to say that what is wrong with that..are all our reforms for young only?
Why we think that parents shouldnt be a person..just a parent?
In today's scenario when family systems and values are changing..,children leave the shores to fulfill their dreams what the old generation is supposed to do...even if they have each other, they feel lonely, nobody to look after them, make food for them, give them care when they are sick. But once a partner leaves them for higher abode..they are absolutely miserable. In an Indian environment, where finding friends at that age is so difficult, if someone finds somebody, he or she is lucky and the whole family must support them.

Today most of the children are not in a position to live with their parents due to various reasons, and some who are living are not very happy even, because living with elders mean certain decorum in the house and certain bindings also and they need some respect, all this doesnt come easy to today's generation.

In India people are very conservative and young generation is totally a confused one. On one side ,for themselves they want to copy west and be independent ( without any responsibilities) forget the traditions and do whatever pleases them. But when it comes to their parents they go back to being traditional and want them to behave in a certain way. Its a reverse discipline. They will have to understand that life does not go like this. If they are traditional and look after their parents well, 90 % of senior citizens wouldnt think of remarrying.Its only because they are lonely, nobody to look after them, they seek companionship. Any way it is their choice and they shouldnt feel guilty if they want to marry. They have as much right to their happiness as the younger ones.

PS: As Holy lama had drawn my attention to the different problems that arise....
1...if the husband dies who will look after her.......As it is she is living alone, so then also it will be the same, secondly after msecond marriage , she gains a family, not looses her children, and if they care , they will look after her.
2--Financial....Finance is one thing which must be discussed openly even in young marriages..here also it is no different. For wealthy people ..may be women's property must go to her children after her death and man's to his.
3..Day to day assimilation in the family.....the couple is getting married because they are lonely..that means children of none are living with them...so they can visit the children and children can come to them also.

Media, neighbours everybody makes fun if old people think of getting married, but none thinks about the problems they face in their daily life, I still remember when one of my cousin died, her husband said..its not that I dont miss her or didnt love her,(infact he was the best husband envied by the family)..but now when I come back home there is nobody to talk to, nobody who can look after me when I am sick, with whom I can celebrateand share anything, without a companion I am not living, just passing the time..he said that if anyone from anyside's family is ready to come and stay with him, he wont marry..but then who will do so?

I ask you a question......
The freedom youngsters demand for their desires, wouldnt they give the same freedom to their elder's need?..isnt it logical and justified?

FIRST TAG OF MY BLOG

2009-10-23T00:41:00.000-07:00

Got the first tag of my blog from varsha.

here I take the tag.

1.What is your current obsession ?

Blogging

2. What are you wearing today?
Black and red salwaar kameej

3. What’s for dinner?
Today my nephew is coming so we have Chaat party..gol guppa and papdi etc:)

4. What’s the last thing you bought?
some cosmetics

5. What are you listening to right now?
Mp 3 of YRF 50(yrf means yash raj films)

6. What do you think about the person who tagged you?

Though i have known her recently only...I feel a connect with her....may be we are alike.

7. If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
I like cold climate and nature, so any time I would prefer to stay in Nainital or Mussorie

8. What are your must-have pieces for summer?
Anything in cotton...salwar kameez or sari

9. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
I have seen a lot, so not much desire left:), but still may be..Greece

10. Which language do you want to learn?
Tamil

11. What’s your favourite quote?

I am very fond of quotes, so there are many..a few are here...

Sucess is wonderfull thing. but never underestimate the values of faliure. Faliure teaches men rather things than Sucess ever can.

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference

Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.

Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

12. Who do you want to meet right now?
My sister..she is my lifeline

13. What is your favourite colour?
grey and red

14. What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own closet?

I have no attachment with clothes:)..I am a jwellery person.

15. What is your dream job?
Travellers guide..so that i get to see new places and new people..love to interact and know about others life style and culture

16. What’s your favourite magazine?
New woman

17. If you had $100 now, what would you spend it on?
I will give it to Nethaji's mercy home( orphanage)

18. What do you consider a fashion faux pas?
Many.....wearing anything which your body and attitude dont accept.... I dislike is wearing Nighties for evening walk or whole day or Track suits in the mall..to me dress according to the occasion, weather and your own body and attitude.

19. Who according to you is the most over-rated style icon?
I am yet to find any style icon.

20. What kind of haircut do you prefer?
short, in steps and permed.

21. What are you going to do after this?
going to the market.

22. What are your favourite movies?
Silsila,Chhoti si baat,Erinbrokovich,

23. What are three cosmetic/makeup/perfume products that you can't live without?
Compact, lipstic and perfume( keeps changing, presently i likeCoco Channel.mademoiselle)

24. What inspires you ?
My positive attitude in life and faith in God.

25. Give us three styling tips that always work for you:
To me attitude is very important..wear anything with right attitude and it works.

26. What do you do when you “have nothing to wear” (even though your closet’s packed)?
Though it rarely happens:)..but once I bought a matching cardigan just for the new year party:)

27. Coffee or tea?
Tea(ginger).....always!

28. What do you do when you are feeling low or terribly depressed?
Sometimes I cant stop the tears, but otherwise i talk to my sis..yeah the same one:)

29. What is the meaning of your name?
Blogging name?.......your inner heart

30. Which other blogs do you love visiting?
All those who are on my blogroll and many many more, as I love reading.

31. Favorite Dessert/Sweet?
Triple sundae with lots of tinned fruit, dry fruits and sauces:)

32. Favorite Season ?
Winter

33. If I come to your house now, what would u cook for me?
Tell me..its your choice all the way....I can cook north Indian any dish and dosa idly:)

34. What is the right way to avoid people who purposefully hurt you?
Just cut them out of my life and mind... I dont want any negativity around.They stop existing for me.

35. My question:How do you calm yourself down when you are agitated or angry?
Talk to my sis:)..though she is younger to me, but she is a big support to me.

36.Who is the modern ideal girl..the one who knows how to shop, dress and enjoy or the one who is simple but manages the house,kids and herself well?
I will go for the second types anytime......

Rules for those who are tagged: Respond and rework – answer these questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your own, and add one more question to the list. Then tag eight or ten other new set of people.
I would like to Tag..( I cant seem to remember who has done it, so if you have already done it..then dont bother)
Radha
Insignia
Holy Lama
Nu
Swatantra
SG

Diwali celebrations

2009-10-17T22:00:00.001-07:00

Simple Alpana I made in front of my door
On Alpana we put lakshmi Ganesh and many other things.
This I make for evening pooja

When My children were young I used to say that wherever you stay after marriage, but make it a point to come home on Diwali....because Diwali is one festival when one likes to be with the family..but such are the compulsions of the modern days, that it never happened. And it has taught me one thing...........One must learn to live Independently not physically only but mentally also...Children are just one of the many worldly responsibilities we fulfil and then we must move on.Earlier i used to think that once children grow up , they will take over everything and I will just sit and enjoy and watch them with indulgence:).....lekin kahan hota ha......neither my husband can leave his job, nor they and we have to do everything on our own.Not that i believe that if we are together, it will be better, may be then I end up doing for four:)

I like celebrating festivals in a traditional way, so even if my H plans some outing, i dont agree on specially on diwali...dont have so much of stamina also to do everything in the house and go out also:)...For pooja ..we make some alpana in generally the master bedroom and then every year bring a new pair of Laksmi Ganesh idol and with them we put one lakshmi Ganesh of silver also, a silver coin and a little house. and some Kheel Khilone, and Motichoor laddo..kheel is always a symbol of Dhan Dhanya.

Yesterday in our apartments so much of crackers were burst that there was thick layer of burnt papers, in fact it s going on for last four days. I have stopped buying them long ago..neither can stand the noise nor the pollution.

Yesterday i read an article in RD about child upbringing..WHO IS THE BOSS with lots of references to a book..the pampered child syndrome by Maggie Mamen and it impressed my ..it says...Now a days families are child driven, instead of being child centred..and its so true and reasons are many main being that both parents are working and when they are not able to give much time to child, they go on a guilty trip and dont have the heart to say NO. But what the dont realise is that they are bringing up a whole generation of self centred individuals who have no discipline, and who keep themselves first always in their life..its childhood only which is the foundation of personality and if we dont teach them discipline and being considerate and take care of other's convenience also,then how will they understand the value of everything, biggest being DELAYED GRATIFICATION.

Now modern greetings.......

Aapke life mein mithaas ho “Cadbury” jaise

Rounak ho “Asian Paints” jaise

Mehak ho “Axe” jaise

Tazgi ho “Colgate” jaise

Aur tension-free rahe

“Huggies” jaise!

“Happy Diwali”

LOVE AJ KAL

2009-10-12T04:59:00.000-07:00

LOVE AJ KAL

This isthe story of a modern couple Meera and Jay who are cool about everything,but then not so cool at all...Its a good take on modern generation who everything lightly,give precedence to career over love and think they are independent and dont need anyone but inside they are not so different at all..they also love and feel the pain and need of other person.In a story like thisI missed good songs. What I liked ....

Deepika..though her role is not much different from that of Bachna e haseeno...of an independent person, she had done it very nonchalantly and looks good.

Dialogues..at some places they are really good and enjoyable.

Rishi Kapoor..he is fantastic in his role..wished they had shown him only for his younger days..cant a little make up and dress do that?

Saif is good but we get an overdose of him which irritates sometimes.

Rahul Khanna..I just like him whatever he does..very small role but he is his debonair self.

and the last scene where Neetu singh is shown as old Harlene..very pleasant surprise.

What I didnt like was......

Harlene...the love interest of Rishi kapoor in her young age..she is a Brajilian girl and so tall and slim that looks like a bamboo has been draped in salwaer kameez..and in the dance her movements are so awkward.....That old flash back was the only boring part for me.

In the movie they have made a mockery of marriage...as an institution. ...would have preferred if Deepika lived with Rahul happily ever after and Saif sulked forever:)..dont know why but this is one movie where the hero never got me on his side, i never wished that they meet as I..a hopeless romantic always do:)

SORRY BHAI

This is the movie from Onir(last one being My brother Nikhil)..so i was very much interested in this movie....The story is about a girl (Chitrangda ) who is in love and getting married to Harry(Sanjay Soori) in Mauritius. When Harry's parent( Boman and Shabana Azmi) and brother(sharman Joshi) come to the wedding, chitrangda falls in love with Sharman and ultimately they get married. . Now what i liked about the movie....

Story is told with simplicity without any gloss.

Shabana Azmi and Boman are superb.

Mauritius is captured beautifully lkike never before.

and what I didnt like........

The idea of a brother falling in love with his would be bhabhi or a fiancee going all out for his BIL..too incestuous for me to digest...this type of behaviour brings it to debate...is it really good to mix around with the opposite gender, or we were better off with the restrictions..cant we have plain and simple friendships or platonic relationships?

Boman shouting at Shabana..very degrading for a selfrespecting woman..typical MCP trait.

Parent showing their progressive minds by accepting this abominable behaviour....If a similar situation comes before me, I would say that none of them get married at all, how can a brother live after hurting his own brother like that, do they have no conscience..families are not like that, day to day life is not possible.

BILLU

This movie is more known as Billu Barber, but barber was removed at the behest of barbers...this is a movie with rural back ground and won my heart,just for its simplicity. How in a village..

shooting of a movie is such a big incident,

everybody wants to be comnnected to super star,Saahil

How the trustee of School tries to show off his political connections and try to show as if he hardly cares for a filmstar, though inside he is the same common man wanting to be there with him.

How a barber's wife, children all want to meet the star.a childhood friend of the barber, nobody is concerned about his discomfort.

How the barber is feted and then abused and again admired all for his friendship with the superstar.

Shahrukh Khan as usual is his lovable self, and Irfan with his underplaying every role is the same..Om puri and his coterie and Rajpal yadav always bring a smile..BUT

I was surprised to see that..

The village is in UP but barber shop has the name.....Kesh Kartanalay..this is called so in MP.

And the children are dressed as they do in south.

I saw many other movies also.....

Dil Dosti:..a generation next story of two students..Shryas and Imaad shah..one from Bihar political aspirations with his values intact and other from a rich family...just floating around, leaving better avenues to just sexploring the possibilities( either with a prostitite(Smriti Mishra) or classmate or even his close friend's girl friend.

Dil kabaddi: Musical chair among urban couples...Irfan and Soha,Rahul Bose and Konkona..add to them..Payal Rohatgi and Rahul Khanna....totally mindless.

13 B: watched it for Madhavan..but useless...

Kartik Month and Festivals

2009-10-06T21:00:00.000-07:00

THis is the pious month of Kartik and Following are excerpts from some scriptures (Puranas) describing the glory of the pious Kartik month:

“If somebody performs even a little worship of Lord Shri Hari in this month, He offers that devotee His own abode.”

“If somebody burns a lamp in the temple of Lord Shri Hari even for a short time (in the month of Kartik), then whatever sins, he has acquired for millions of kalpas (one kalpa equals 1000 yugas) are all destroyed.”

“A person, who for the entire month of Kartik eats only once a day, becomes very famous, powerful and heroic.”

“O Narada! I have personally seen that a person who happily reads the Bhagavad Gita in the month of Kartik does not return to the world of birth and death.”

“Of all gifts, the gift of a lamp during the month of Kartik is the best. No gift is its equal.”

“The pious result obtained by bathing in all holy places and giving all charities is not equal to one ten-millionth part of the result obtained by following the vow of Kartik.”

This is the week of festivities..today is karvachauth....Its one of the most beautiful moments of married life when a wife fast for the long life of her husband.It started in the times when people lived for others, cared for others more than the self.This is a special day where wives are pampered by their husbands and inlaws and made to feel special. Where they fast but still prepare a sumptuous dinner for the family to celebrate.
But alas! this was in our time, now a days when either the wives demand from their husbands to fast or the husbands fast themselves to show their solidarity with the wives, that special feeling is gone. because now no one is special as both are fasting and may be cooking, On this day women get gifts from their husband, mother and mother-in-law. One day before they put henna on their hands, buy new bangles. i still remember that when i was in Delhi..Lajpat nagar used to have such a festive look, with all decorated shops selling sergi items. certain people eat goodies in the early morning and it is called Sergi.And on this day age is no bar, women of all ages dress up so well, doing SOLAH SRINGAR its a sight to behold. Then fast is kept on this day, in the evening pooja is done..its different in different people...like some places women get together and do it, in my place we do it at home only and a Baayna is given to MIL--its a sort of gift only and given as a respect to the person who gave us our husbands and who has a very important role in making our life happy.
Then in the evening after looking at the moon and doing the pooja, women open the fast. I still remember my childhood, my father who was never home early, will come in time on this day and go on the third floor of our house to see the moon and their in the mohalla all the husbands wud be found on the terrace:). it was such a pleasant feeling to see all that.
festivals are meant to be celebrated in spirit and then they bring a bonhomie among the people, but if everything we start analysing and arguing..why shud only women do it, why cant men do it and all that, then they loose all the sweetness.When we love each other then we dont see what all one is doing, its all about doing something for the other,all the festivals mean to strength some relation ships.
like--Rakhi--bhaidooj---brother sister
karvachauth....husband wife,DIL & MIL
ahoi ashtami....mother -children,
and they bring a cohesiveness in the family. I fully enjoy all the festivals with full fervour and instead of thinking what others are doing for me, i always think what I am doing for them:)....I love fasting for my husband on karvachauth and Ahoi ashtami for my children.

On saturday..AHOI ASHTAMI .....this day also in our family mothers fast. earlier they used to say its for sons, but I have always said its for children, we fast and then in the evening I give a Bayna to my MIl and prepare Papri( the ones used in Chaat and sweet Khakris.

Next week..the first festival is Dhanteras..Basically all these festival do the job of decorating and cleaning our homes..On diwali we get the white wash done, so all the house is rid of clutter, then on Dhanteras we do some shopping for house or buy jwellery.

Chhoti Diwali..Next day we do pooja and light Diyas..either 5 or 7 or 11 or 21..and on certain places its a must to put like kitchen courtyard, rooms, put the rest anywhere you want.

On diwali....On this day pooja is done on a special time . according to the Muhurat. we make an alpana in the bedroom with white and red color, and there put laksmi Ganesh and one house (hatri with silver coin) and then small earthen bowl filled with Kheel and sugar sweet and Motichoor laddoos as prasad..I make some small alpana and the feet of lakshmiji in my house al over also...basically we clean and decorate the house to welcome Lakshmi. and we do the lighting only after pooja...In the childhood we used to wait for pooja because my father used to give us money after that:) and all the youngsters touch the feet of elders to take blessings.
.......( Madhu..I have written as you asked me..written what we do:)
Thought of the day....Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever...George Carlin

ADVICES GALORE

2009-10-03T00:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was reading in a magazine about in which situations one shouldnt offer any advice, but Do you think anybody welcomes advice..I keep reading on blogs of many young people how they abhor advice, even my son keeps reminding me that I shouldnt offer any advice to his wife, as she doesnt like advice ( not that I listen:)..if I think I have a good advice(which all advisers think:), then I say so, but yes I never make it compulsory to them to follow that is their choice).....but is really advice such a bad thing., then what about those political advisers, bureaucratic advisers etc etc...

May be advice got such a bad name because in India this is one thing that you get free and loads of that and sometimes from total strangers, yesterday a lady came to our house for some work, she saw that we have a good space outside and she started suggesting......

You have a good space , you can use it for a sit out

Me...hmm..its very hot outside to sit.

You can install an AC here

Me..but this is not a closed place completely, plus she didnt even bother to see that other flat;s AC were installed thru this and water falls there.

Then you should put some plants here, greenery will be really nice.

Me..Oh yeah( I didnt want to tell her, that we are in this house for a short period and all that.

Sometime the advices are quite exasperating also, like all and sundry people keep suggesting that.

.why dont you do something?

Hellooooo....how do you know that I am not doing anything.Actually people find working only those who do the work outside...house work is nothing to them, though there is hell of a difference in the houses where the lady really takes interest in everything.

Why dont you do teaching?

How do you know I am interested in teaching?.....I dont like teaching much, why cant I just enjoy life, whats wrong with that, of course I have fulfilled all my responsibilities well, and still do whatever is required....

So advice is not bad, bad is the way it is given or by the people who are not suitable. Advice is always welcome where there is trust between people..trust that you will get only the right one which will benefit you.

I am quite different in this regard, I welcome and sometimes solicit all the advice I can get, because i believe in pooling the resources, knowledge everything at my disposal. I dont even have any ego about getting advice from the elders only or more qualified only..No I listen to each and everyone with the same regard and I have seen in my life that sometimes suggestion make a lot of difference, one gets to see the other side of perspective and thru some listening we can make and improve our lives a lot.Totally disregarding every advice is like living in a well, there is no harm in listening and thing, but do what you want:)...If the younger people don't want any advice then it is understandable as they get it all the time plus they are at that stage where they think they can do anything, they know better than anybody else:), but later on listening to advice is a sign of maturity.....what do you think?
A GOOD THOUGHT :The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; They just make the most of everything

HAPPY VIJYADASHMI

2009-09-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we celebrated Navmi.I make halwa, poori andchana as prasad and give it to all little girls and boys, my mother always used to call one brahmin kanya as a must, but it was never possible for me, so I just give one dress to any poor girl.
Today is Vijaya dashmi , and in my inlaws house it was not celebrated as such so we dont do anything but I still remember that it was celebrated with lots of traditions in my mother's place....there they used to bring new year from this day in their business, so it was an elaborate pooja with all the books and arms and everything......my mom used to show some silver coins and curd to my father the first thing in he morning and then after pooja they will see the fish(many poor children used to bring fishes to show and take money). Even the pooja was done with some gourd flowers, cowdung and, some eight small pooris and gourd raita...there were so many things like that..and then in the evening we used to go the fete..mela where Ravan was killed.
In Chennai people worship..Durga ( Shakti), Lakshmi( wealth) and Saraswati( knowledge)..all three for three days each.
Everything is changed now, today celebration or enjoyment means sleep late, and eat out..whereas we used to get up early and help our mom with all the different dishes she used to prepare. Today i see some parents pampering their children so much, like there is this family where their girls sleep till 10-11 and there is no timings for BF or lunch or any food, nobody wants to do anything in the house and order anything from outside they want and the result..the children are fat and good for nothing, I dont think its love, to me loving means..
jusdicial giving and judicial holding
Love means making a person better so that they bring happiness wherever they go,
Love means teaching values.....I never ever support my children if they do wrong things, if you correct them in the beginning, they grow up with right values.
Love means instilling discipline.
Once the child is good he/she gets lots of appreciation and it works as a motivation and this becomes a circle..he/she gets better and better.
Yesterday i saw a news of TN CM promising citizenship to all srilanka refugees and I was aghast.,I mean tomorrow WB CM will say so to all Dhaka refuges and so on so forth..how short sighted our politicians can be for their personal gains..they never ever bother about what is good for the country, in an already overpopulous country you are bringing a strain on our resources.

And yesterday was daughter's day......so I wish all the daughters though belatedly....just the other day my neighbour was telling me that the ratio of girls is declining so rapidly that people are finding it difficult to find brides for their sons, very sad state to be in, just hope and wish that better sense prevails and people stop differentiating in gender....son or daughter both are dear to us...both are important and both are needed to make a complete home.
I Believe...That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel

BEAUTIFUL GOLU

2009-09-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I made my visit to the golu;s of my friends and neighbours.....One lady has decorated a full room wiht 100 of statues and then at the bottom she has depicted a full village with all the craftsman working and hawkers selling different things, then in the side were girivar and temple..it was the most amazingly beautiful Golu I have seen and it lighted so well.

Then one lady has put her mother's marriage sari as a base..the red one.

Then one lady's DIL has made a complete park with vehicles and all and then a Kolam of grains in the front..it was so perfect geometrically that I though she made it with a mould, but no it was free hand....I felt so happy to see her that she is a young girl, well educated with professional degrees but take equal interest in her traditions also.

On this occasion, they all invite women and welcome them with Sindoor and give you a small gift along with coocnut, supari, small packets of turmeric and kumkum, betel leaves and some money..so far I have collected so many coconuts, blouse pieces, small jwellery box etc:)

We also celebrate navraatri, but in a different way, we do the fasting for 8 days eating different type of grains like..kotu,singhadi,rajgeera etc and only few particular vegetables. , Then on Navmi we make halwa chana and poori and call little girls and boys also..this days girls are considered a manifestation of Durga.

HAAPY NAVRAATRI,GOLU, POOJA AND VIJAYA DASHMI TO ALL !!!

BLACK, EK VIVAH AISA BHI

2009-09-22T22:40:00.001-07:00

This Sunday I first saw BLACK ....... this is movie telling you about the 93 blasts and their planning...and story is very realistic, few things I could surmise were....
How hard the police works in these cases.
How the big dons take advantage of ignorant people and sabotage a country.
How none of this can happen without the help of our own officers..always somewhere somebody turns traitor.....for money betrays the nation and its people.
And in cases where so many people are getting hurt, in investigations its a necessary evil that few innocents may be the victim, but for a broader goal it is required....human rights people always worry more about criminals rights and few police victims but none about the bonafide citizens of a country who are getting hurt by these attacks.
But I would have preferred that they had done the photography in light..I dont like RGV style darkness, plus all the time story goes backward, forward..and gets confusing and in the end they have insinuated that Dawood did all this in an exchange of favours to ISI, in a way exonerating him..I didnt like it at all.
But worth a watch movie !
Second movie I saw...EK VIVAH AISA BHI
This movie was shown with some conversation also from the cast and crew in between. and this movie brought many questions to me...There was a movie released in 70;s Tapasya with a star cast of Rakhee and Parikshit sahni..this is a rehash of that movie with certain changes according to the times.
First the story is about Chandni and Prem who are in love and getting married, but chandni;s father dies suddenly and her two younger siblings are left alone. Neither she can take them to her inlaws, as her MIl wants a Bahu who can be completely their son's wife only and here relatives as usual greedy and uncaring ones.She doesnt marry, works hard to give a good education and life to her siblings, brother gets married and his wife is a spoiled brat...so the question that her MIL raises is a very valid one.....
1---A mother's life is passing and she is not getting any younger and is she wrong in wishing a happy married life for her son?
2-- Is Chandni right in denying Prem his right or waisting his 12 years?
3-Is it right for Prem to love Chandni and not marry and make his mother unhappy?
Since it is a movie, it ends on a happy note but I think the solution is not this.....here 3 people suffered unnecessarily......
Practical solution would have been for her to sell the house and with that money put her siblings in a good hostel..or she could work also for the finance.....I dont like the situations where people try to be God which our Hindi film hero heroine do.
But I liked the old world romance of Chandni and Prem...though today i dont see the shy girls or blushing ones:)..liked the Ghazal he wrote in the train.
Issha Kopikar and Sonu Sood are okay, but dialogue writer messed up big time in this movie..dialogues are completely lack lustre and bring the standard down.They really let down and I missed Reem Lagoo..original Prem;s original mother:). This movie is from Sooraj Barjatya but seems like a poor cousin of his earlier ones

AGE OLD BONDS

2009-09-16T23:04:00.000-07:00

I keep thinking what should an ideal Mil be like? and what we look for in a DIL? Though there can never be in ideal situation, since we are human with human frailties, but still even if we think about it, what are qualities that come up, after a long thought process I have come up with a certain points, which I am writing here..........

AN IDEAL MOTHER.IN-LAW..

First and foremost keep it in mind that a new girl is entering your family, accept her with an open heart and lot of love.

If you are living together ,help her in assimilation and tell her dos and donts of your family, so that she never gets humiliated for anything.

Take care of her choices..be it in food or dress.

Respect her family.

Dont interfere in her day-to-day life.....let her be independent in her choices for outing, entertaining etc etc...help her wherever she needs.

If you are living together dont expect or even go with the couple all the time..once in a or two months you can have a joint outing.

Give her privacy.

Dont compare here with anybody, she is an individual with her own qualities, try to find them and enhance her.

Make her feel special and an important part of your family.

If there is a conflict between your son and DIL, then dont interfere, let them solve it on their own. Yes if they ask you say the right thing.

Dil can never be you daughter, so dont expect too much and get hurt, just help her to be a good DIL only, and in the same way dont pamper her too much, with your children they understand the boundaries,but DIL wont, so set the limits from the very beginning and maintain a space and your dignity

Let her be independent, as long as her independence doesnt come in the way of her duties or impinges upon other's rights in the family.

And if despite all your efforts there is no harmony in the family, then better to live independently, separately with few meetings far and between. Dont ever make your self the reason of conflict between their marital life.

In the same way there are certain things which any DIl must keep in mind if she wants to have a family and if she loves and cares for her husband............

Remember you are entering a family with its own set of values, patterns and life, so dont expect a whole family to change overnight according to you.

Respect their ways of life and behave accordingly, slowly and slowly you can bring certain changes you want.

Try to make a place in their heart also and for that you will have to learn about their choices and likings.

Never ever be rude...this is the worst mistake you can make in your life..if there is something to your disliking you can tell your husband or when you reach a certain place in their life, then to them,..but for that you will have to work hard.

Dont ever compare with your mother's place to ur inlaws place, their your mother ran it and here your MIL.......as long as we have patriarchal system you are supposed to follow all your inlaws traditions to the core, and if you have any radical thinking about that, then make it clear before marriage only, dont bring a conflict after marriage.

Marriage is not the name of vacations, dining out and shopping....marriage is a big responsibility.....In India marriage is not between two individuals even, its between two families and you are the ambassador of one family, dont bring bad name to your parents by being irresponsible or rude or lazy..be ready to work, if you are a working woman, then share the only responsibilities you can fulfil, but if you are a housewife, then you must take your side of bargain....may be you can work out what you can do and keep that bargain..not like you say and then dont do your work timely or diligently.

Be sensitive to ur MIL, do something special for her, she will be very happy......like cooking her fav. dish or getting her something she wanted. and if you ever hurt her make amends.

When before marriage everybody looks for a boy with a good family, why after marriage make them pariah?..A good family is always an asset, dont forfeit that.

If your husband doesnt say anything, dont think that he is happy, I am yet to see a man happy without his family, its only that they want peace in family and agree for that.

Maintain a decorum in home.....like going out you will have to tell her where you are going and when you will return, and listen to her of she has any misgivings on that.

Never ever take her for granted, she is not your mother, so as neither you will love her unconditionally, nor take liberty with her or any advantage.

Learn to respect...and I dont believe in the dictum..respect is not demanded but comanded.....I demand it, they deserve it,love is not necessary but respect is to maintain any relationship.

Last but not least......blessings of the parents are very important, everybody learns this lesson sooner or later, those who learn sooner bring happiness everywhere.

If you want to help your parents financially..even if you are earning, you will have to consult your husband,in the same way that he contributes to the family kitty and other things, you also have the same responsibilities, some girls have this misgiving that if they earn then whatever they earn they can send to their parents.....would you like it if your spouse gave all his earnings to his family?

Now i would like to ask all the young readers how they would like their MILs to behave and if they can add some suggestions, they are most welcome and the same goes for DILs

Bihar Driving license application

2009-03-26T22:06:00.000-07:00

your phriend (dost) applikason.

For phurthar instructions, see bottom applikason.

1. Last name:

(_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

2. phust name:

(_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

3. Age:

(_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dont no

(Check karet box)

4. Sex: ____ M _____(F) _____ not sure _____not applicable

5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right

6.Occupason:

(_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed

(Check karet box)

7. Number of children libing in the household: ___

8. Number that are yourj: ___

9. Mather name: _______________________

10. Phather Name: ____________________ (If not no, leabe blank)

11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest kilass attended)

12. Dental rekard:

(_) Ellow (_) Berownish-ellow (_) Berown (_) Belack (_) Other -__________ Give egjhakt color

(Check karet box)

13.Your thumb imparesson :

____________________________

(If you are copying from another applikason pharom, pleaje do not copy thumb impression also. Pleaje
provide your own thumb impression.)

PELEAJE DO NOT USE PHINGERS OF YOUR LEGS

Use thumb on your lepht hand only. If you dont have le pht hand, use your thumb on right hand. If you do not have right hand, use thumb on lepht hand.

NOTE : IF YOU DONT HAVE BOTH HANDS, YOU CANNOT DERIVE.

WE ARE VARY ISTRICT ABOUT THIS

source--email

Traditions and Values

2009-02-03T23:49:00.000-08:00

I keep reading in the blogs..that we shouldnt follow any traditions...only infrastructure and facilities should be given prominence and all that..and this is all written by youth because the want to shirk from their responsibilities......materialistic things look after our physical health.

If we have good facilities, infrastructure in life, our life will be more comfortable, but will it be peaceful also....becuase that spiritual health is looked after by values and traditions, they bring a semblance in our life, and give us roots, i cant imagin a life without any values and traditions. We must not question all that is old and traditional unless it is hurting somebody.

positivity

2009-02-03T23:30:00.000-08:00

अभी मैंने निश्चय किया हा की अपनी जिंदगी में अब नकारात्मक सोच ख़तम कर दूँगी और सिर्फ़ अच्छा ही सोचना हा और पहली बात यह हा की मेरी वोह सास जिन्होंने मुझे हमेशा ही दुःख दिया हा, वोह मेरे साथ हा और अब मैं उनकी खूब अच्छे से प्यार से देखभाल करूंगी, क्योंकि वोह मेरा कर्तव्य हा, और मैंने सोचा की कुछ भी चैरिटी करने का कोई मतलब नही अगर हम अपने परिवार कीदेखभाल अच्छे से नही करते, कारन कुछ भी हो, कोई कुछ भी करे ,पर हमें कभी ग़लत रास्ता नही लेना चाहिए...और सच में मुझे बहुत अच्छा लग रहा हा, लगता हा जैसे जीवन में एक सुकून आ गया हा.वोह शान्ति मैंने पहले कभी नही महसूस की अब लग रही हा:)

एक बात मुझे आजकल के युवा की बिल्कुल समझ नही आती की वोह कुछ भी बोलने से पहले सोचते नही जब की अपने प्रति वोह यह चाहते हैं की सब बहुत सम्वेदंशेल हो , मेरा यह मन न हा की कुछ बातें न कहीं जाए तो बेहतर हा,जैसे बहुत बुरा लगता हा जब मेरी बहु कहती हा की मेरे तो दोनों घर हा, तो मैं यह नही कहती की अपने मातापिता या परिवार को मत करो वोह तो करना ही चाहिए पर बार बार मुझ से यह कहने से कुछ अच्छा तो होगा नही , मेरा मन ही ख़राब होगा, जब मैं कभी किसी भी बात में दखल नही देती की तुम क्या करो तो बस चुप रहो, क्यों मेरे मुँह पर बार यह मारते हो? मैं प्रित्तात्मक समाज में विश्वास रखती हूँ और मेरे हिसाब से शादी के बाद लड़की का अपना घर ससुराल ही होता हा, यही मेरी बेटी के लिए सही और यही बहु के लिए.

मैंने देखा है

2008-09-13T04:05:00.000-07:00

मैंने देखा हा की हर व्यक्ति को अपने जीवन में अपनी और दूसरो की हर गलती से सबक लेना चाहिए, जैसे जब मुझे कोई भी मतलब मरी ननद आदि कुछ देती थी तो मेरी सास तुंरत कहती थी....तुम्हे क्या, तुम इसका दुगना, तिगना दे देना, मुझे बहुत गुस्सा आता था की अगर तिगना ही देना हा तो फ़िर मुझे लेने की क्या जरूरत हा,और इस से मैंने यह सबक लिया--

लेना देना, यह सब रिश्तो में होना चाहिए और जब जिसका मौका हो या दस्तूर उसे लेना चैये या देना चाहिए, कोई दुगना तिगना जैसा कुछ नही होता और बडो को सब का बड़ा होना चाहिए, बहु का भी बेटी का भी, और जो सही हो वही कहना चाहिए , घर अगर बिखरते हैं तो उतना युवा लोगो की वजह से नही, जितना बुजुर्गो के पक्षपात की वजह से जो रिश्तो में एक कड़वाहट लाते हैं।

मेरी सास को हमेशा अपनी बेटी के दृष्टिकोण से देखने की आदत थी, कभी भी बेटा बहु भी अपने हैं यह सोचा ही नही, बेटा बहु के तो बस कर्तव्य होते हैं सारे, अधिकार नही.लेकिन ऐसे रिश्ते कभी नही टिकते और मधुर तो होते ही नही.

yesterday my neighbour

2008-08-25T22:39:00.000-07:00

yesterady my neighbour cum friend was telling me an incident----
A couple outside her window were talking, they were talking tamil, but she knows tamil so understood that. Husband was saying something, then wife was saying something, she said it was a dialogue, both were talking with each other, not talking to each other as happens with many educated couples where husband just tells the wife to shut up and listen to him.
This is the way it should be, both must listen to each other, and what is that quality that makes that uneducated couple so understanding is the common sense. Sometimes education brings intelligence but not common sense, which is ingrained.

children and their upbringing

2008-08-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

Marriage is a very important decision of life and it can make or break it, so there shouldnt be any hurry and one shud take it after taking in all the issues and choose the life partner with a lot of thought.
Mine was done in a hurry and without a thought, so it changed the direction of my life completely. Now after so many years its difficult to say-good or bad, because everything has pluses and minuses, for me my two children are such a big plus that minuses are not felt now.
I got married into a very conservative family where a son is brought up only to fulfil the desires of his parents and sisters. A son is married only to get dowry and a caretaker( wife). Parents and sisters dont have any feelings or duties towards the couple.
I was exploited from the first day of my marriage, whatever my parents gave in the marriage was taken by my inlaws and to top it my MIL never even acknowledged it and always bad mouthed my parents------from then I learned a lesson----
I will never take any dowry in my son's marriage,
I will not marry my daughter into a family who demands something( it is different that I myself wanted to give everything to my daughter).
i will treat my DIl in with love and respect.
I will always respect her family.
My husband was a very docile person and he cud never say anything right or wrong.
When i had children, my hands were full. I believe in giving my 100% to everything i do.Today when my children are well mannered and good human beings everybody envies me, but nobody see my hardwork behind them.When my son was born, I followed all the routine for him to a T were it feeds, bathing or massaging, everything else came second. Though I was a mother at 20, my son always got the best of care. me and myH both were meticulous in his upbringing.
And same for my daughter.Their home work timings, bed times, dinner times and everything was scheduled and it was never disturbed for anything.We made few mistakes also, like sometimes we were too strict with their studies and now on retrospect I can write a few guidlines----
make a routine for children for everything.
Dont disturb it for anything, because once u start disturbing it will go haywire, as families normally keep having disturbances like shopping, guests, ill ness, so whatever the problem try not to disturb them.
Teach them thru practice--like in their exams we never used to watch TV-not at all.
Listen to them with an open mind.
Dont be very rigid with them, teach them every point logically.
Explain everything.
Try to be a friendly parent , not a friend, as there can be many friends but parents are one, and it is ur job to keep them in line, so be strict if there is a need.
respect them and never scold them in front of outsiders or any body .
Encourage the habbit of reading--good if u make a routine of bedside stories.
Support them in their dreams and help them in fulfilling them.
Like they say--give them roots of support and wings of freedom.
Teach them the value of freedom with responsibility.
Tell them the pros n cons of every sitution and let them decide, and if their decision goes wrong dont be smug and say-I told u so--u r deflating their self confidence, mistakes are like stepping stones in life, if taken in the right spirit.
Instill perseverance, because even if intelligence fails, perseverance can win them many fights in life.
Dont encourage sloppiness or laziness--they are biggest hurdle in life.
respect for elders---is a mantra for life.
Above all acceptance and patience are the key to happiness. In life its not possible to get always what u want , so accept it and have the patience to wait.

bachpan

2008-08-21T00:35:00.000-07:00

मेरा बचपन बहुत ही प्यार भरा था, मेरे दादा दादी मुझे बहुत प्यार करते थे, बात बोलते ही पूरी कर दी जाती थी ।

नतीजा की मुझे दादा दादी की एक ही इमेज हे की वोह बच्चो से बहुत प्यार करते हैं, इसीलिए मुझे बहुत हैरानी हुई जब मेरी सास मेरे बेटे की रोज शिकायत करती थी, क्योंकि दादा दादी तो गलती भी च्चिपा जाते हैं, और यहाँ यह कैसी दादी हा जो डाट पडवा कर खुश होती हा लेकिन परिणाम तो वही, प्यार करोगे तो प्यार मिलेगा, अज जब वही बच्चे बड़े हो गए तो सब का मन करता हा की वोह उन्हें करें, पर जिन बच्चो ने बचपन में उन से कभी प्यार पाया ही नही वोह आज उन्हें कर भी नही पाते हैं, तो नुक्सान किसका हुआ उन्ही का न?

मेरे माता पिता बहुत ही कड़क थे, पिता तो इतने गुस्सल थे की हम लोग उनके सामने आना ही नही चाहते थे, लेकिन इस सब का एक फायदा हुआ की हम कहीं भी जाए तो बहुत खुश रहते थे, और एक अलग ही स्वतंत्रता हम में आ गई सब जगह रहने से, जिसका हमें आगे जीवन में बहुत लाभ हुआ।

लेकिन मेरे पिता बहुत ही उदार, सब की सहायता करने वाले और समाज सेवी थे, इसीलिए हम सब भाई बहिन बहुत ही इमानदार, और सब के प्रति संवेदनशील बने .उन्ही से हमने सीखा की अच्छा करूगे तो जीवन में कभी न कभी जरूर आगे आएगा

JOINT FAMILY

2008-08-20T02:42:00.000-07:00

I read many blogs .and realised one thing that since most of the blog are written by young people they have only one side of perspective.

Like on Indian home maker---this discussion about daughters and equality and all that.i have seen lot of life and yes in my times I saw that daughters were not treated equally, boys were given preference, but there were reasons for that social and economical and all this never made me bitter about my parents or anybody else. It wasnt as if they didnt love us, they really loved us and cared for us.

That time parents didnt take anything from the girls, so when girls were not given any responsibility of parents, they didnt have much rights also.Not unfair i think. Since boys were given all the responsibility of taking care of parents , and if parents had any loans or such things only sons were bound to pay for that.The girls were given dowry......in a way that was their share from their father's property.

There is a ritual in Hindu marriage ceremony where parents do Kanyaadaan, it is considered the biggest Daan, and is must for getting Moksha.

So it is natural to think that once u have donated something how can it be yours, I think they were more ethical then today's parents, who will do Kanyaadaan but still feel the right on their girls.

Now todays scenario..........now if parents are giving the daughters equal opportunity and facilities then demanding the returns also----is it fair..........why do we want to go the west way of...girl and boy going going out and making a separate home........our family system is much better.......it makes the life easier for everybody---for the newly maried as well as for the elders, they dont have to look for old age homes.

By propagating too much indepence we will bring lots of problems in our life.Afamily works as a cushion, a stress buster for everybody...yes for that there has to be some sort of understanding for everything and good communication.

everybody is somebody's daughter and other's daughter in law, I know that a DIL cant be ur daughter, but can try to be and MIL can try to be a mother.

Tips for being a good daughter-in-law

1-Always remember you have come to a home, where everybody has a fixed routine, menu and rituals, so try to change them immediately wont be possible, if u find something disagreeable try to change it slowly, though instead of whole family changing to suit ur taste, if u change urself would be better.

2-respect the routine of house and join them instead of doing ur own thing at ur own time.

3-dont try to show off that u know better about ur Husband, he was her son before he bacame ur husband.

4-Give her respect, u will get lot of love.

5-Dont argue too much, with the elders u loose even if u win the argument by loosing ur image.

6-Try to follow the traditions of the house,dont go according to ur mother.

7-If u have any issues initially route them through ur H, once u have attained a tuning then only discuss one to one.

7- Dont have grudges.

8-Even if u do what u want, dont oppose her openly.Just keep a facade of discipline.

7-for every little thing dont run to ur mother and dont bring her in any arguement.

8-Be always polite.

9-Be positive.

10--Help in the house work, may be in ur parents house u didnt do but then there u were not married or a lady of the house, now ur status is changed.If u live alone then u will have to manage everything..cleaning, cooking and shopping, so here also u can do something.

Tips for a good MIL

1-welcome her in ur house with a open heart.

2-Treat her well with love, care and respect.

3-respect her family.

4-Give her freedom to go out.

5-In any argument dont side with ur son, either be impartial , if u cant be that then keep quiet.

6-Let them take all their decisions in life, sometimes they may be wrong also,but dont worry, it will teach them something.

7-Give advice only if it is asked for.No unsolicited advice.

8--Give them responsibility and guide them.

9-dont try to do all the work for them, because then one day you will feel like being taken for granted.

There are many advantages in living together

1--anyone can go on holiday, no worry about house leaving or anything.

2-In sickness there is someone to care for.

3--working girls dont have to worry about who will supervise the servants.

4-Kids are well taken care of.

5-parents dont get loneliness.

6-Lot of saving in finances in living together, that money can be either invested or spent in other things.

with so many advantages, cant we adjust a little, with more understanding.the basic rule applies here-respect to elders and love to younger-will solve everything.

adjustments---

Sundays can be made free days-where young members can do what they want when they want.

saturdays can be family days together.

Menu can be decided including the choice of all members.

For household work--it will depend upon the members--help can always be engaged for everything.

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